I'm up, it's 2am. My quiet time. This is a good time to reflect. I sit here at my computer desk and wonder. I've been making some major changes. The voices are under control..I hear em less and less. The push is working. My addictions are manageable. Life is good. I'm content.
For many years I never pursed any real tangible things. I skated along thinking "what will be is what will be." I have direction. I have desire. I have patience. I always quote a song lyric "I don't know where I'm going, but I know where I've been." This time I know where I'm going. I'm working on a dream. A dream of hope. Doors are opening. The October 9th speaking gig at the psych center has got me motivated. I've come full circle.
Despite the fact I was in the hospital this month, I still can work towards my dream... The dream of giving hope.
I remember the days where the only hope I had was getting through the day. I trudged along, putting one foot in front of the other. I've been in the trenches of despair. Now it's time to help others see their way through.
There was a guy on the beach picking up starfish and putting them back into the ocean. A man walks up and says "there are hundreds of strafish in the beach, you cannot possibly save them all." The man replies as he picks up another starfish,"I just saved this one."
After rereading this my negative thoughts run wild. I'm dismissing them. Much like the way I push the voices out. My mind says how can I possibly give hope when I have been in the hospital twice this year. I say to that thought "I was down, but I wasn't out." In order for me to help I must help myself first. I went to the hospital because I needed help. I still have my dream. I'm still working towards it. I will not allow myself to walk away from what I believe in.
That's all for now. I'm weary and need to rest.
Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,
David
