The hard part

"The hardest part of doing nothing is knowing when to stop."

Yesterday I had a huge anxiety attack. My head was racing my body shaking (sounds like a song). I sat around doing nothing to stop it.

I tried to tell Margaret. She was begging me to talk to her. I tried, real hard. I couldn't find the words to tell her.

Margaret should be my soul mate. I love her dearly. She is the first person that I honestly ever loved. Yet she's the last person I turn too.

She asked if I wanted to the crisis unit, I said no.

I ended up calling a friend. He helped me.

I'm sad that I couldn't let her in. She doesn't have a mental illness, (except for me!), I think she doesn't understand mine. She told me that I get that way everytime after a roadtrip. I think it was seeing my family.

I told my mom that I may never see her or dad again. Damn that was wrong. How would I feel if she said that to me? What a heel I am!

I am better this morning. I feel focused and ready for the new day.

Keep your feet on the ground, the sun on your face and the wind at your back. Live, love, laugh, learn, listen, David