"The hardest part of doing nothing is knowing when to stop."
Yesterday I had a huge anxiety attack. My head was racing my body shaking (sounds like a song). I sat around doing nothing to stop it.
I tried to tell Margaret. She was begging me to talk to her. I tried, real hard. I couldn't find the words to tell her.
Margaret should be my soul mate. I love her dearly. She is the first person that I honestly ever loved. Yet she's the last person I turn too.
She asked if I wanted to the crisis unit, I said no.
I ended up calling a friend. He helped me.
I'm sad that I couldn't let her in. She doesn't have a mental illness, (except for me!), I think she doesn't understand mine. She told me that I get that way everytime after a roadtrip. I think it was seeing my family.
I told my mom that I may never see her or dad again. Damn that was wrong. How would I feel if she said that to me? What a heel I am!
I am better this morning. I feel focused and ready for the new day.
Keep your feet on the ground, the sun on your face and the wind at your back. Live, love, laugh, learn, listen, David
Hello there,
Please excuse my saying so, but you should apologise to your parents. Hurtful words are like a real wound. The pain you can inflict by an unkind, thoughtless word is truly fearsome, yet a sincere apology can help..
Do you mind describing your anxiety attack? I have a nephew (20 years old) that stayed overnight some time ago. He woke up in the middle of the night saying to call an ambulance because he can't breath, had stiffness, chest pressure etc. In short, the classic symptoms of a heart attack! Later it was determined he had suffered from an anxiety attack. Are these the usual symptoms?
Dear abcd,
You are right that I should apologize, which I plan on doing. I wasn't trying to hurt them.
There's a book called "The Four Agreements." In one chapter it says "to be impeccable with your words." I certainly did not do that. I have deep regrets and will make amends.
My anxiety attacks have a feeling of wanting to "jump out of my skin." I feel my heart beat as if it were a drumbeat. My thoughts are angry, hurtful ones. I will never hurt anyone. I tend to "shut down" as to not do or say things I may regret later.
Thank you for pointing out my awful mistake. I will call my folks and apologize to them.
peace,
Dave