Tag you are it

You are so right David, and you resonate a chord that I can hear.

I blamed others for a long time for my SZA. Family, friends, anyone really, until I could grip the situation with both hands.

I, like you, still hallucinate from time to time, sometimes constantly, though mine are visual.        I also know that they are not real and have developed coping skills to help me through it.

This reminds me of an essay I wrote in high school about the human need for a scapegoat.     Do we really need someone to blame that stuff on?          Where does that need come from?     Is it the survival of our own ego that causes us to want to blame someone else?

But I agree with your conclusion; leading a blameless life is the way to go.    No more guilt, no more confusion, and no more excuses.

Thanks for a great read,

Don Fraser

Good morning Dave,

I read this and see a lot of similarities in myself.  I'm in panic mode right now because what I've been working extremely hard for is getting closer and closer.  My sobriety, my medication, my therapy is what has made me - Rene - today. 

I was an angry, abusive beligerent drunk who wreaked havoc on anyone that I came across. I abused meth to the point where I became psychotic and hit my mom before I stopped.  And this wasn't even by choice, my brothers dropped me off in detox.  

I'm off to church right now, but I'll write more later.

Thanks for sharing.

Hey Dave,

I think it's great that you don't place blame on any one thing or person anymore.  I think accepting the way things are today is the key to moving forward.

  I really struggled today at church.  I felt like crying when I thought of my daughter. What did I do, why did I do it, drugs - alcohol?  11 years has gone by since I last so her and I'm so disgusted at myself for letting it go on for so long.  Grant it I've been sober for 4 years but my God what was I thinking?  I cried on the way back from Starbucks but I needed to, to release what I've been holding onto.  I'm planning on speaking at an AA meeting because this is the biggest fear that I have today - I'm certain this will help.  Well, actually the second biggest fear now since I know reuniting with my daughter is not too far away.  And the thing that I have to accept is I have to rely on her mom for support and I haven't seen her in 14 years!  Wow, this is all so overwhelming.  I have to also remember that I am SZA and along with staying sober I'll have to take my meds, go to therapy and rely on my family and friends for support.

I hope you have a great week.  You're an inspiration to me...

You are truly a great and unique person to have advanced to this point... It shows just how powerful  a human being can be using his free will... A very difficult and wonderful thing you have done; something which many have not been successful in.... You are to be admired and respected...

You are absolutely right in all you wrote. It was lovely to read.

But please excuse me if i say something as a post-scrip. You are so right not to blame anyone for your condition, and that it neutrilizes the anger, makes you a better person, cures you of negetivety and really puts you on a totaly new level.

But still, i venture to say, that while forgiving those who have done you wrong is the right thing to do - the proper path to take, how much more effective if the person who has done wrong also gives a sincere apology!

We aren't speaking of small slights, but of major life shattering events, and from my own personal experience, if the person who has wronged you at least shows that he is embarrassed and regretful (even if not put into actual words) it certainly helps cleanse the anger.

Although we should forgive and not blame people for our own personal choices, this does NOT absolve abusers!

Hi Dave,

Funny, I only blamed myself for getting sick, as if I was responsible for getting sick when in reality I had no control over it.  In 2002 when I researched a support group I could join I was in the frame of mind to release this blame and forgive myself.

Forgiveness is the order of the day so often when someone is diagnosed with schizophrenia.

We may never forget.  We can certainly forgive.

Regards,

Christina