Tag you are it

In my early years of SZA I was angry. I was so angry that the only way to release it was to blame anyone or anything.

The first victim was the drugs. They did this to me. They are to blame for my voices. They are the ones that held me down. They are the ones who have given me this constant reminder of my foolishness.

The next victim was my father. He is to bame because of his attacks. His anger he gave  freely. His lack of love and care for me are to blame.

Mon was to blame too. Its in her family line. I was unfortunate to be in the line of fire.

Next vicim is my oldest brother. I looked back at all the beatings. I was his personal punching bag. His anger was released on me. Those fists could be seen for years, even after I left home.

The next victim was alcohol. It made me even more angrier. I was a monster when I drank. Alcohol took the anger and frustration of this disease and manifested itself into my everday life. It turned me into dad.

This next victim that should have helped but didn't, was the school and the sleepy little town I lived in. Everyone knew I was in danger. No one not a single person stepped in to save me.

God is the last of my victims. He got the worst of my anger. He did this to taunt me to tease me. If He is a loving God why didn't he save me? Its His fault.

That was then this is now:

I don't blame anyone or anything anymore. It takes alot of energy to find people and things to blame.

I have a hand in all of this. Nobody forced me to drink and do drugs.

Blaming is anger and vengeance, and hatefulness. Keeping all that wrapped up in me is poison to my my soul.

I release the blame I imposed on others. I cast it out before me.

Freeing myself from the blame game has made my life so much better.

I am able to love and be loved. I am free from the bonds that held me down.

I accept this curse and will move forward free from this lust of blame.

In reality I do not know what caused my illness. Therefore I blame no one.

Keep your feet on the ground, the sun on your face and the wind at your back.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

David

P.S. I know that some of people's illness was caused by someone. It is not my intent to justify that. The purpose of this journal was to share what happened to me. I am truly sorry if anyone feels badly because of my words