Today is a day like any other day. It's for me to see how it turns out.

I see the local forecast for Christmas Day may produce a storm. I think that today we will play Santa Claus and deliver all the presents to my kids and grandkids. My son lives about 40 miles away.

Ever get pushed so far, that you would say "Oh how I wish it would stop?" And then do nothing about it?

I am frustrated today. Why? I cannot say here.

Teddy has a good life as long as he can lay by the window and keep watch for those "killer squirrels", and the random cat. What a life indeed.

The voices were around for a bit but now they are all mine. Christmas carols ring in my mind.

I wasn't gonna write today. I wanted to rebel. So much for that. It feels good to write. I always feel way better when I do. The words come out like a flood. They are so fast that I cannot type them. I slow down by rereading to check for misspelled words and to collect any lingering thought.

I get my Risperadol Consta shot today. Maybe that's my trouble. It's been almost three weeks since my last shot. I welcome it. The only thing is that I have to deal with my pdoc's wife who is his office helper. I don't care for her in the least. She's mean and abrasive. Thank God I won't have to deal her but for only a few minutes. I am going to tell my pdoc that I want to stop ECT. He suggested it last Thursday. The more I thought the more I wanna stop. I feel alright and my depression isn't a problem. The only time I have high anxiety is when I go for ECT. It's a win-win scenario.

My addiction lies in wait. It is very patient and is always there to tempt me. How well I do to handle it, is dependant on many factors. Giving in is so easy. Then I don't care. So I give in to do my awful deed than feel like crap for a few days. This goes back to where I said how my day will be.

The sun will shine

the night shall fall

I'll pull myself up after all

the bells will sound

I stay my ground

look to the son

life will become

nothing short

of all out fun

Peace my friends,

Keep your feet on the ground, the sun on your face and the wind at your back.

Live, love, laugh, learn, listen,

David