My daughter has schizophrenia.....My heart is broken

You are a very caring mother to let your daughter live with you when she is not stable.  I moved in with my parents about 2 yrs after I was diagnosed.  I had been picked up by the police a couple of times, battled with suicide attempts and many hospital stays.  I found out later that they were afraid I might get up in the middle of the night and kill them.  Yet they offered me their home unconditionally.

There is hope for your daughter.  But it might take time.  Here 12 years later I have just this year really turned the corner to where I would consider myself greatly recovered.  Sure there are still times when I get off the meds and regret it.  I cannot work, but I am doing volunteer work.  My father died 4 years ago and my mother is 81 and small and frail, so I am her main support as far as driving and housework are concerned.  And she is my main support as far as getting true love.  We have a lot of good times together now.  I hope the same will some day be true of your daughter and you.  I think God worked things out so we could be there for each other.

Carolyn

Hello Robin,

Having a member of the family with schizophrenia is an emotional rollercoaster, I know because I have schizophrenia and my mother experienced a lot with me. I told her she took my father away from me and I never want to see her again.

At first I did not want to take my medication because I did not believe I was sick, and when I did take the medicine it made me experience bad side effects such as restless legs. Now I take my medication out of fear. Fear of a relapse, fear of losing my mind and not being able to focus, and fear of going back to the hospital or jail. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 2007, at the age of 20. Now I am recovering with the help of medicine (Abilify), therapy, and support.

I am glad that your daughter is living with you, where she is safe and will enable you to monitor symptoms to share with health professionals. Schizophrenia Connection is a great place to get advice, share experiences, and to get support. Welcome!

I hope the support group works out for you, in addition to that visit my blog for more information on my experience with schizophrenia and other interesting reads at http://overcomingschizophrenia.blogspot.com

Dear RobinMorgan,

My heart goes out to you in your time of need.

I'm glad you realize this isn't your daughter, it's the illness talking.

Anosognosia, the lack of awareness that one has an illness, affects up to 50 percent of the people diagnosed with SZ, which could account for why she believes her delusions are real and can't be convinced otherwise.

The delusions and paranoia definitely don't make sense, as you well know, yet she is gripped by them.  I suggest you read Xavier Amador's book, I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help to find out how to work with your daughter if she has anosognosia, which is a symptom of the SZ.  Particularly since you said she doesn't always take her meds.  If you didn't think you were sick, you wouldn't take your meds either.

The main thing is that your daughter needs to stay in treatment, take the medication, and learn to cope with the symptoms and manage her condition.

I'm concerned that really she should be in a day program and not living at home doing nothing all day.  It's also my contention [and I've posted SharePosts here about this very topic] that adult children diagnosed with SZ are better suited to living in a residence or supported living or a halfway house, rather than living at home.  I do not recommend living at home long-term for any adult with SZ.  This same advice was given to my mother when she began attending the NAMI support group when I got sick.  I lived in a residence for three years before living on my own.

For now, I suggest you keep attending the support group and read the Xavier Amador book.  Also, subscribe to SZ magazine, that would help give you the perspective of caregivers who are dealing with their loved ones' illnesses, as well as insight from people diagnosed with SZ.

It truly is one day at a time and although that sounds like a cliche, keep the faith.  Never give up the hope that your daughter can get better.  Be realistic about what you can and can't do as a caregiver.  If you need to step aside, and get her into a residence or halfway house or other living arrangement, that's OK, too.  Research the good ones.

What you could also do is write SharePosts again as you feel the need to.  We are a welcoming community and will support you through the ups and downs.

By the way, you're #19 of the people I've recommended the Xavier Amador book to.  I'm keeping a running ticker of how many times I tell people to read that book.  He's helped tens of thousands of family members figure out how to get their loved ones to stay in treatment and on meds.

I wish you comfort now.

Regards,

Christina

My heart goes out to you as a mother of a child with sz also.   You are correct in saying to yourself this is the illness, not my child.  I am still saying this 10 years since my son was diagnosed.   We know in our mind that its not really them, but in our heart we still hurt.  My son has said and done things to everyone in the family, and I won't say it gets any easier to accept because it doesn't.  The difference is learning techniques to overcome their behaviors.  During one of my son's hospital stays, we worked with the treatment team, and decided that one of the most important things to my son were the visits he got from me and his father.  We are divorced, so he saw us usually on different occassions.   When he was starting some untoward behavior, he was told he would not have a visit that week from either of us.  He immediately, stopped the behavior.  My son is living with me now, and I have had to initiate something like this, by telling him I will not have any interactions with him if he continues the behavior.   I don't know if it will work for the long term, but I am trying to do this in a non-confrontational manner.  Laying out the guidelines for his behavior with the expectation that he cares enough to abide by them.   There should be rewards as well, not just consequences.  I try and be as generous with rewards as possible when he does things right. Your daughter is a fortunate girl to have you to help her.  For us as parents, the rewards are few and far between, but they surely are there.  We just have to stay positive and never give up.    Writing about what is going on with you, and hearing from other parents really helps a lot, so keep posting here, and let us know how you and your daughter are doing.     

My son is 22 and was diagnosed last year although he was having symtoms as young as 15. He was in the hospital last year for 3 weeks and put on 600mg of saraquil daily. He was doing much better but shortly after leaving the hospital he stop taking his meds and is now not doing well, drinking and taking drugs. He has convinced himself he is not sick...how do I get him to stay on the meds? I worry constantly about what will happen next.

Erica has been in the hospital now for  a week.  Today on the phone she sounds happy....yesterday in person, she was aggressive and confused, and I cried on my drive home. 

Her counselor states that a group home may be the best place for her.  After doing research on this wonderful website....I too agree.  If I take her home, there is no structure...no one to talk too all day....no one to make sure her meds are being taken.  I would be just TAKING care of her and babying her.....like I always have.  She demands that out of me, but then criticizes me for being controlling and bossy.

I read a letter that was posted on a website.  The author was Janet Jordan.  She wrote of what it feels like to have paranoid schizophrenia....how difficult the day to day is...and how challenging it is to hear a voice that no one else can hear.

I've learned a lot this week.