i am really hoping someone on here will read this and give me some advice!
my husband is 19 i am 21. we have been together for a year and married for 4 months!
my husband is jelouse and asks me all the time if im cheating(im not at all i love him more than anyone in the world) he says he hears voices and may have a multiple personality.he was abused since he was little. Hes a very sweet man and very in touch with his feelings and is usually worried about my happiness and feelings.
And so i went to visit an old roomate, who happens to be a guy, my husband called me and asked if i was with any guys, and i said no so as not to worry him, and was going to tell him when i returned home.
not knowing he was right out side. he whipped open my old roomates door and looked at me sitting with my friend(a girl) with our coats on just visiting on a couch across the room from the old roomie.
then he stormed out. he thought i was lieng b/c i was cheating! he still wont believe me and its been two or three weeks. He became irritable and mean, he bacame cold towards me and says that he doubts us and our marriage now!
i understand why hes upset and i will try to make it up to him and help gain his trust, however he basically acts as if he wantas to give up b/c he says "what if the hurt wont go away?" "what if it wont work out?"
he wont let me come home, and hes moved all of my stuff into our room, and is sleeping in the guest room.
He says something snapped inside him when he found out i lied. he has always said he would do anything to make it work untill this happened. now he wont budge, he wont go to counseling, he wont let me touch him b/c he says it hurts him too much, he also is not being the guy i know and love....hes usually sensitive and loving. he doesnt call me and doesnt act as if he cares at all. hes said he thinks he wants to seperate or divorce.
then he says theres still hope and that hell give it a few weeks.
i had a miscarriage and when i told him about it he didnt say much! which isnt the man i know and love at ALL.
Ive been crying non stop and cant eat and i am on medicane to try and calm down and sleep.
He is not diagnosed, but is diagnosed woth ADHD. when something similar happened to us earlier in the relationship he was ready to just give up again but he stopped acting that way and went back to the same guy i know and love.
I am not too sure what to do, do i go home and try to help him, even though he pushes me away very much? or do i give it time for this"episode" to be over? because it seems to me that he is punishing me because hes hurt, im just not sure what to do. I NEEED some advice.
KiKi
There is nothing harder than trying to help someone who will not help themselves. The best you can do is be as supportive and sensitive as possible while encouraging him to get the help he may need. Without a clinical diagnosis nobody can say for sure if that was an schizophrenic episode or just plain old jealousy.
The two of you are very young and it can be difficult to understand each other's needs and thoughts, and even harder to meet them. I remember what it was like to be 19 ( I'm 30 and on my second marriage) I've learned a lot about myself when I hit my early-mid 20's that I never saw coming at that age because I thought I knew everything then. Seperation may give you time to figure those things out while learning about who you are and what you really want in life and a life partner. In the wake of your miscarriage (my heart goes out to you) you may need to get help for yourself as well, and if you do, you should focus on helping yourself while encouraging him to help himself. Marriage takes a huge amount of sacrifice and understanding from both parties and it sounds as if neither of you are ready for that kind of commitment - it really is a lot harder than it sounds.