Hi, I have paranoid schizophrenia. I suffered from dellusions of grandure. See I believe that I am a modern day christ. I have had many dellusions on this. I'm just now starting to believe i do have the illness. the only problem is that i can't quite let go of some of my distorted beliefs. See I have secrets that i hold dear partly because no one would believe me anyways, and it's better i don't torment you with the full story. i will say though that i believed cameras where watching me at all times. i still think that everyonce in a while. I also believe I recieve secret messeges. its much like that of A Beautiful Mind, the movie. this is how it started.
I believed, at one point, that i had contracted AIDS. I was sitting in my room when a beam of light came through. It was the sun. I started crying and asking God to save me. just then i looked at my wrist and noticed a scar, i believed was the mark of God. I then thought I was dying for the sins of mankind, I fell into my first episode that day, it continued for months, me doing crazy things, the radio sending me secret messeges, cameras watching me, i believed my life's occurances were in the bible. I thought my bible was my girlfriend, we danced together. The scariest part of that episode was the thoughts that people where out to get me, that i had snipers aimed at my window, even people in cars waiting to do a drive by. Those days i mostly statyed inside, i wouldn't even mow the lawn for fear of someone trying to kill me. I would look to the sky all the time thinking somewhere someone was watching from a sattellite, or hidden camers in my house. I thought that i was the prophesied messiah of a new generation. i believed that the radio was making songs for me that only i could comprehend due to my stigmata. eventually i ended up at the hospital and was told i had schizophrenia, which i didn't believe until my second episode. I'd tell you more but i'm not sure youd understand or in fact it might all be crazy talk that can't be understould because its all in my head. I might be a megalomaniac. I just don't know.
