I know not what I am doing but I am doing. My words are not all that good and great but I have the faith of a mustarsd seed, the hope of my parents and the heart of all of us consumers. Many tell me to just try to write and that is what I am to do. I feel like I have been sleep foe a very long time because of this illness. But I also feel that i put myself to sleep with drugs and alcohol to try to help the pain. But the pain went nowhere. I did. Now I must come back and enjoy what Life the Almighty leads me to. The almighty woke me up and as of today, my birthday, has keep me drug and alcohol free for 1 year, 2 months and 2 days. I now better understand that i suffer hallucinations and delusions and that my med is to stop this but it doesnot. Bt I will keep taking them and I will tell my doctors. i still have dreams and I can acheve and make them true with faith hope and heart. I ask and welcome all comments to just help fan my fire and cool my ice. I have been sleep for so long but now is not the time crying. Now is the time for doing.