Hello, I've seen some similar posts around but I thought I would share my story and ask for some advice. Sorry it's so long.
I'm 25 y.o. About 2 years ago, around the time Inception came out, I started experiencing what I thought were shared dreams with friends. I started reading up on lucid dreaming and took all the steps so it would happen more often.
Then it started bleeding into the real world...
My neighbors started complaining they could hear me (in my head), friends from high school thousand of miles away too. The worst part was that I wasn't asleep, I was wide awake. Things started snowballing, Leonardo DiCaprio started appearing regularly, very pissed off that I kept intruding in his dreams. My neighborhood turned into the city, all very pissed off that they kept hearing my thoughts. The state, the country, the world, various actors; if you've ever had someone intruding in your dreams, it mighta been me.
Both sleeping and waking, it was a constant torture. I was divulging my deepest darkest secrets to complete strangers. I had to drop out of school, I lost my job; I was too scared to even go to the mall with my family because I would "wake" everyone up to this dream, ESP, other plane or w.e.
I couldn't/can't help it. I'll be happily thinking about something else when I remember all this and it comes flooding back. Air conditioning units sound like thousands of people yelling at me, and, if I focus on it, that's what it turns into.
I don't know if its a god-complex, lack of control, fear, anxiety, paranoia; sometimes I think that there's two of me, and one of me just likes the mental torture.
I woulda ended it a long time ago if it weren't for alcohol. Drinking keeps me from thinking too much so it's easier to interact with people in a public setting. I've been taking it easy for about 3 months now. Smoking weed makes it worse so I dropped that a while ago (no biggie).
I'm on the public healthcare system here in my county, so the doctors are shit and the shit they give me doesn't help. Been off all meds for about a year.
Sometimes its better, sometimes its worse. I've been close to functioning this year but I'm still terrified of going back to school or being around groups of people sober.
My mind, my body, my soul is tired. I want to get on with my life but my head keeps holding me back. I have a lot of plans, but they count for shit if I can't function.
Sorry this has been so long, any advice would be appreciated.