Should people with mental illnesses have children?

I had to respond to your post. You are entitled to your opinions and all, but this post disturb me. I am  a father of two and would never give them up. I may be in a small majority , but I would still have them. People with a MI's should,can and are happy, loving parents. I know some normal parents are abuse their kids in awful ways. I don't feel as though I lowered the gene pool. I hope you can see past your anger. This is a site for support. By writing what you did you may very well upset someone. Maybe they were thinking of being parents and you put the idea that's bad or wrong. Like I said it's your opinion, but become more aware of how your words affect others.

I am blessed/cursed with always being able to see two sides to every argument.  (See -- I don't even know if it's a blessing or a curse!)  So I will just say I walk the line on this one.  I would never have been a fit mother because most of my adult life (certainly the childbearing years) I was mentally ill and would not have been able to give them the stability they deserved.  But I would have given them a lot of love, certainly.  And I cannot even imagine being abusive to a child.  But a mother who is constantly depressed and suicidal and hearing voices?  My own father was very negative and I hated him for it.  I prayed that God would kill him when I was a child.  I don't want to be responsible for passing that legacy on to the next generation.

Still, I would not counsel another person with MI to forego having children simply because they have MI, are taking antipsychotics, etc.  There are very responsible MI parents who take their meds as prescribed, get therapy when they need it, and are able to minister to others beyond themselves.  And I think they could do a good job of loving and raising them.  No parents are perfect.  No children are perfect.  There is always risk involved in any endeavor.  I say if you really want children and feel you are ready for them, go ahead.

Carolyn

P.S. You do have to be careful not to generalize and put all of us with MI into one all-enveloping group and assign characteristics that do not fit us as individuals.  At the Schizophrenia.com site, I used to post and reply regularly.  However, once, I said I had filled out the paperwork to be permanently taken off of the jury duty roles.  I did not think I would be able to pay attention during a trial enough to make a good decision about guilty or not guilty.  Someone made a blistering reply that EVERYONE had a DUTY to be a juror when asked and that I was totally wrong to try to get out of it.  It upset me so much that I have never gone back to that site.  I switched to this one.  Please do consider the effect of your words.

Carolyn

Hello there,

i happened to be browsing and saw your interesting post.

Please excuse my saying so, but your comments have a somewhat sinister under-tone that you yourself might not have even considered.

My mother (who is now almost 85) has paranoid sz for most of her adult life. And, yes, it was simply hell living with her... However, she has some very distinctly positive sides to her personality that i cannot over-look. Plus, she really loved me and tried her best under the circumstances of her grave illness. As for me, i'm glad to be alive. I'm glad she decided to have me. Also, i fortunately didn't get her illness or any other mental illness. (Am now almost 47 years)  old)

Years ago she told me of her passionate wish to have a child. She wanted  so very much to be a mother. Is it really the porogative of human beings to make the decision of who is fit to have a child and who isn't? Perhaps people with heart disease shouldn't have children? Perhaps people who are deaf or blind shouldn't have children? Are we so divinely wise that we can make such a decision?

Let me tell you, people with disabilities can be great parents! And often healthy people aren't necessarily the best of parents. Just look around you and see for yourself...

I defend my mother's choich and decision to have had a child... Actually, i'm giving her a great big cheer!!! Thumbs up for her!!! True, she was unbalanced,unstable and often hospitalized. But she gave me lots of love, unconditional support, (still does) financial assistance, and also her beautiful smile and a kind generous heart...

My mother is a true original!

There might be another angle to this you might not have thought of. If you have ever studied WWII history than surely you are aware that the very first victims of the Nazi ideology were the mentally and phsically handicapped.

They were the first victims of the Nazi Euthanasia Program. The so called mercy killings... The mentally ill weren't considered fit to live so they were gassed to death... Other undesirables were steralized so they won't have children... How very frightening!  And if you don't think this could happen today, rest assured you are wrong. Someone who feels he has the right to decide if a person is fit or not to have a child; well, perhaps he will next make the decision that that person has no right to live at all...

Be careful of what you say... The harm you can cause with words is simply fearful to contemplate...

I agree with you Nightmare's Daughter. I have to agree with you 110%.  As the kid of a mother who continues to suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) I believe I understand where you are coming from.  Just because some one has the ability to reproduce does (mentally stable or mentally ill) not make a parent.  If one cannot meet their own basic needs such as shelter, food, clothing then they may want to think twice about bringing and raising another life into this world.  I would like to believe that the majority of the mentally ill love their children, but a great many do not know how to show it even with meds and therapy.  Ill or not you are held accountable for your behavior as an adult.