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Sunday, November 23, 2008
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My 16yr. son has been diagnosed with schizophrenia in the past couple months. Needless to say, our family has been turned upside down and I don't know where to go from here. Everyday comes with different struggles. My husband and I are fighting all the time and we used to have a very good...

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DCROY9633
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 08:48 AM
Do you have access to a therapist in your community, someone you could talk to privately and confidentially? That might help. I'm sorry the sz has affected your marriage. I know it has ripped your world apart but you and your husband's relationship is very important and deserves all the time and effort you can give it. It is very difficult for one parent to carry all the burden of a child's illness. Is there any way you can involve your husband in decision-making and make him feel he is a part of the process and not just an on-looker? Men often hide how deeply they feel about things and maybe he is privately grieving for your son. Carolyn

re: Untitled Comment
Janeen Kaseman
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 10:49 AM

Thanks for the advice. There is no therapist in our area. We have to travel about a 100 miles everytime we see the doctor for my son. Everyone in the community is aware of our situation, but they really don't know what to say when I talk to them about just to keep myself sane. I don't want to be ashamed of it, because I don't want my son to feel that way. Right now, he is currently in what i guess you could call denial. The doctors diagnosed him with it, but they also said that at this age, it is very difficult to make a definate diagnosis. All the test confirmed it for now. When they told him he could possibly outgrow it and might not have to be on meds for the rest of his life, he kind of took that and ran with it. Now when we talk about it, he says that he doesn't even have it so why bother with continuing the appts. I know that deep in my heart that he does suffer from it, because there have been signs from long time ago. Is it possible that he will be able to "get better" if he really doesn't think that he has a problem? Everyday comes with a new challenge. Its day by day , and minute by minute with him. When we see the phyciatrist and phycologist, he pretty much tells them what they want to hear and as soon as we leave the appt. he starts acting out again. The moodswings are almost unbearable at times for me to handle. Is this a normal response to this diagnosis?

Hello
Christina Bruni
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 09:20 AM

Hello momofconcern,

I'm sorry that things are hard for you and your family right now.

The other kids may think you're giving your son preferential treatment because you have to focus a great deal of time and energy on his illness. I would make time each day and each week to do things with the other kids, even if it's just spending a half hour at the dinner table and talking about how the day went.

I'm not sure how small your town is or where you live exactly, however, the National Alliance on Mental Illness has family support groups once a week at their local affiliates throughout the U.S. Call (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find the affiliate in your area.

If that's not an option, I suggest you form your own support group with others and find a place to meet, even if it's in each others' homes.

You also could benefit from individual therapy for yourself to help you cope with all the demands and realities going on in your life now.

I suggest that once a week, you go on a "date night" with your husband if you can find someone to stay with your son or if your other children are old enough to be left alone.

Schizophrenia isn't easy and living with it can take a toll on everyone involved.

So lastly, I want to say, keep writing SharePosts here as the community members here are open and accepting and we've all gone through what you're going through.

Regards,

Christina

re: Hello
Janeen Kaseman
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 at 10:55 AM

Thanks and I will try the number that you gave me. Unfortunately, there is nobody in my community that I could form a support group with. As far as I know, there isn't anyone else that has gone through this in my town. Maybe there is but they have hidden it really well. In my son's case, there was no hiding it. When he ended up in the hospital, everyone knew and everyone knew what for because of him missing school and pretty much everyone would just come right up to me and ask me. Of course, the first thing you want to do is think of something else, but that just isn't the answer either. People would find out anyway. Too hard to live a lie. Thanks for the support.

Son being difficult
Janeen Kaseman
Tuesday, December 09, 2008 at 07:06 AM

I again had to call my son's doctor about his behavior last week. He has been more and more irritable and just shuts himself out from the world around him as soon as he walks in the door after school. He heads down to the basement and he comes to get food for supper and then goes straight back down with his plate. We try to get him to sit at the table with us, but if we push too hard, he gets really upset. So, we let him go. Right now, he is being very arguative, and defiant with me and my husband. If we tell him to do something or get on him for bad behavior, he becomes very loud and aggressive with us. Before, he never raised his voice to us, or not listen to what he was told. When we talk to him about respecting us as his parents, he says that he don't feel respected by us? Sometimes we feel he uses his illness for an excuse to get his way with everything. I don't expect any different from his other siblings. He still has to do chores as a part of this family just like everyone else. That is another thing that always gets thrown up in our faces by him. He just wants everything back to normal and doesn't want to be treated any differently. Yet, we can't quite remember what "normal" is because he has changed so drastically in his behavior in the last few months. We are all walking on eggshells in this family and I don't know what to do or how to treat him? Last week, his car was vandalized twice in two days. He is out for revenge. We just want him to move on. We tell him this happens to everyone, but in his eyes I am sure he thinks it's because everyone hates him and thinks he is a "freak" Because they all know what he has been through and where he has been. Behavior he did in the past was normal then, but now everything he does, everything thinks it is strange just because they know of his "diagnosed" mental illness. The doctor increased his serequel another 100mg in the morning and he still takes 300mg at night. On top of that he is on 100mg zoloft in the morning. Isn't this a pretty high dose of serequel for a 16yr old who only weighs about 125 pounds? Anyway, I hope the increase will help, but whatever seems to help for a little while, doesn't seem to last very long. Any comforting words or advice would be greatly appreciated. I really need to hear from a mom who has gone through somewhat the same thing. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks,

momofconcern