Meds or Not
I have been taking a combination of drugs for the past eight years with relative success. Risperdal and Paxil were my first medications. The Risperdal took away all feelings and made me very focused with a side effect of extreme weight gain and subsequently diabetes. Before Risperdal my mood swings were exaggerated from low to high; with auditory hallucinations running my life. I was violent and destructive; having little or no friendships as I was a loner and an introvert.
I have had the hallucination and voices since I was three; never being diagnosed until I was forty. Suffering from drug an alcohol addictions made it doubly difficult to live a sane life; self medicating was a fact of my existence. I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day; quitting four years before I was diagnosed. This habit left me with emphysema.
After three years of Risperdal and Paxil I changed to Geodon and Welbutrin; still living with the side effects of weight gain but recovered emotions. I am able to live well enough that my moods no longer run my life.
I have been in a twelve-step program for the past twenty five years and have found the benefits in keeping engaged with people by going to a meeting on a daily basis. I found that the meetings help me stay out of my head and help me connect with others as a way of healing. I also live a spiritual lifestyle cultivating Dao through prayer, meditation and working with others.
As for the overeating, I can't control the medication side effects but I can control what I eat. Eating fruits and vegetables, nuts and grains, chicken and fish and cutting out red meat as a primary source of protein has made it possible for me to control my weight gain. When I am hungry I used to eat fatty, sugary foods that promoted bad health. Now I eat lots of salads and drink vegetable juice and fruit juices to detoxify my liver and give me lots of fiber.
I have learned that I can live in fear or live in love. Living in fear makes me digest bad food that gives me mood swings and disempowers me by pushing me into despair. Living in love, promotes loving things that effect my health in a positive empowering way.
Combining acts of service with others, asking for help, letting the spirit in and being loving to myself through positive eating habits I gain power over the side effects of the medication. I am no longer powerless and at the clutches of my illness.
It's easy to throw up my hands and drop to my knees in despair. With the support of a power greater then myself I can manage my life successfully.
