stopped meds, started again.

By Animus Saturday, May 08, 2010

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I had stopped the meds for about 2-3 months until a week or so ago, and only then taking them every so often. Felt ok, except very moody and misunderstood.

But finally it all got to me and I took them. I have always taken care of myself through the illness. I have never been taken to hospital and I think its because I can seem fairly normal and calm on the outside. But on the inside its straight out wargames and self protection, fighting for survival and every man for themself.

I get so sick of the feeling that everyone is out to get me. But to be honest I couldn't be bothered dealing with it. It feels like too much trouble to have someone help me. I feel like the meds aren't doing much anyway.

The only meds that seem to work are the anti sleepiness pills for my incessant sleepiness. They make me feel half normal during the day. I have a new job since March and things are taking their toll I think. But all's fine because I'm in control.

Took the meds again today and just feel like getting some thoughts out. I have been feeling like I can get in touch easily with others, but it's because Im over sensitive. On the other hand, I have been totally reacting inappropriately alot, just out of control reactions. Destroying the moment, so to speak.

Things are also much worse when Im tired... but that seems to be all the time.

Is there anyone out there who sees what's going on and can fix it?

Been a long time

Comments (9) | Add comment

David Robbins

5/ 8/10 6:23am

Need a fix? Fix the need.

To address your question "Is there anyone out there who sees what's going on and can fix it?"

I assume that you mean by "it" as SZ. I do know what is going on in my battle with SZ. I am aware of what the illness entails. I have had hallucinations for 30 years. I am actively "fixing it" on a daily basis. I take my meds as prescribed, sleep 8-9 hours a day, eating healthier, excercising and do all those things daily.

Take care,

David

Animus

5/ 8/10 6:40am

Thanks David. If I ever come to grips with my illness, I will probably have a heart attack, because everytime I try, I feel a pain in my chest and want to cry.

I don't want to live 30 years suffering, so I pretend Im well. It works well for me. I might be a bit different and unresponsive but I don't care what they think.

Do you spend a lot of time out and about? I do and I hate it. But I know its good for me to get outside.

Donna-1

5/ 8/10 10:15am

No, sorry, I'm not Mr. Fix-It. If so, I would have fixed myself long, long ago. I can identify with the struggle and pain you are going through. I have this personal mythology that some medication that works without side effects will come along and my whole life will become wonderful and livable. Or Myth #2 that the sz will just go away by itself and I will be CURED! I really believe these things. Is that a sign of optimism or just stupidity? I figure it doesn't hurt to wish or hope.

But I know also how it is with the looking okay outwardly and feeling totally besieged inwardly with strange abberant thoughts. Thoughts of violence. Thoughts of wild confetti swirling in and out of my observations of life. Thoughts that race faster than a speeding bullet around and around the same target, never hitting center, as well as not being able to make out exactly what the target represents. Then I smile and greet a friend, go out for ice cream, all the while dreading social interaction. I spend a lot of time trying to get out of social isolations. Lying is admissible. Somehow, I manage to make it through another day.

I have recently (the last 2 weeks) tried to switch medications and it only made everything worse. Like skin-crawling restlessness, insomnia, lying in bed nevertheless trying to get a handle on it. And lke I said, thoughts of violence. Those are always a trip.

I'm glad to see your new pic! Hope you can find relief and understanding

(Myth #3).

Donna

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

5/ 9/10 10:36pm

Hi Donna,

It's good to hear from you too!

What a great response.

I feel I would not be presumptuous in saying that every single person diagnosed with SZ would much rather we didn't have it.

Regards,

Christina

Animus

5/10/10 12:37am

Thankyou, and it's great to know Im not alone, although I feel bad for anyone who has the same...I do stupid things but I am learning how to cope from this site and it's members. Thankyou for your kindness in replying to my posts.

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

5/ 9/10 10:32pm

Hi MyAnimus,

You deserve to have peace of mind.

I understand you are frustrated that maybe the meds don't work or at least the ones you're on now don't work to alleviate your symptoms as best they can.

I want to suggest though that you continue to take the medication to keep your brain functioning well.

David Robbins is a community member here who has heard voices for going on 29 years yet he credits taking his medication with enabling him to have a good life.

By no means am I saying that popping a pill is the cure to everything.

Life involves so much more than medication or the so-called medical model.

The recovery model involves friendships, social activities, work, school and all the other things people do who don't have mental illnesses.

So like everyone who is a human being we need to be able to function in the world and do these things.

I suggest you consider seeing a therapist and possible a cognitive therapist.

You are not alone.

Please feel free to keep writing SharePosts whenever you feel like doing so.

We will always support you.

Regards,

Christina

Animus

5/10/10 12:43am

Hi Christina,

thankyou for your encouragement. I appreciate the replies and its nice to be acknowledged. I'm not open about my illness so I just don't talk about it to anyone. This probably fuels the negative fire. So its nice to have the site.

Rene Victor

6/14/10 5:38pm

Hi Animus,

It's nice to meet you. I read your post and wondered what caused you to stop taking your medication for the time that you did. I remember that I stopped taking my meds (abilify) because it caused me to become extremely anxious. My doctor wasn't very happy about that and switched me back to Zyprexa which worked wonders. However, he was concerned about the potential side effects and switched me to Geodon. I've been taking Geodon for about 3 years now. I'm also taking Lamictal, Celexa, Vistaril and Propanolol. I feel pretty stable now and only deal with the anxiety on a daily basis. I just can't imagine what it would be like if I stopped taking my meds. I don't want to sound like I am a doctor and have a "fix" for SZ, but I think that medication is probably the most important piece in our recovery. I'm going to weekly therapy as well, I think that may be useful too.

Rene

Animus

6/15/10 6:54pm

Hi there Naykizzo thanks for your post....The reason why I stopped is because ever since I started on these meds I have felt like they are doing nothing.... I.e. I can still hear some voices. Abilify, however doesn't have the side effects of the other ones I have tried. It's been a few years and although I don't have any terrible side effects , I haven't lost the weight I gained with the Zyprexa. It's a vicious cycle and so many things contributed to my decision to stop the meds for a while. Anyway, it didn't help for my mood which has been worse than usual. Cortisol poisons my body everyday due to stress and work, and I can't handle it... need to sleep at least 7 hours a night.. but usually don't... Ahh if only we could control certain factors in our life and weren't slaves to money.

Anyway nice to meet you too. looking forward to your posts!

stopped meds, started again.

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