Hi all, this is my 3rd attempt at my first sharepost but I haven't been happy with the others. I guess you could say my illness is severe or mild, I think it is severe , but I also seem to function ok most days. I tend to ignore the fact Im sick and I try to function everyday and ignore it. Something I have learned and developed over time. I was once totally encompassed by my fantasy world around me. I was deluded to the point of losing almost everything. I was finally institutionalised in 1999, raving about my supremely intelligent network of 'friends' that i had the privilege of hearing. All I could do was laugh, and the doctor said the laughing was a coping mechanism for my situation. I'm surprised I can remember that considering I could hardly string a few words together that weren't related to my "psychosis". Anyway I truly thought I was playing a part in a new world order, which I had previously been writing about in university before everything horribly went wrong.  So i was locked up for a month before I was able to leave. All I was taking at the time was an antidepressant which I can't remember the name of. No one knew what was wrong with me, not even the doctor. Crazy times though- I couldn't tell you what was going on at the time, I was gone. So when I went back home my parents basically had disowned me due to my crazy behaviour and outbursts. I was on my own. So I got a job in a restaurant and was very very lucky to keep it for almost 3 years. Went to the doctor and told him I was hearing voices, constantly, like a running dialogue between about 3 or 4 people. It was getting to the point where I would start getting annoyed at nothing- so he referred me to the psychiatrist in the area.

On my first few meetings with the psychiatrist, he came to my place with a social worker. We talked and I told them about my "friends" that were talking to me. The doc and social worker both insisted that they weren't real, but I didn't believe them. I kept seeing the doctor but I "knew" my friends were real. I thought I was a special case. I was put onto Risperdal. Every week my social worker would come and visit- I thought it was a bit invasive but she was nice and i didn't have many friends at the time so I welcomed her. Once she came to see me at work. She noticed that I was twitching and tapping my leg a lot, and she told me it was the side effects of the risperdal. I didn't seem to mind that side effect but she said she would recommend I go onto another medication. I didn't mind as long as it wasn't too strong.

So I went onto Zyprexa and can't remember much about that time except I was feeling better but experiencing terrible tiredness and lack of motivation. I started to doubt my doctors diagnosis of schizophrenia- it sounded too severe- and I am not one to get sick. By this time I had gone back to university but wasnt doing well at all.

In about 2002 my Mum came back into my life and wanted to know about me- I told her I had been seeing a psychiatrist and she was very happy to hear that- she offered to pay for a session with a psychiatrist that lived near her home- I wouldnt have paid for such a waste of money at the time but I found he helped alot. He put me through the usual tests- EEG and MRI etc and his diagnosis was closer to epilepsy- who knows why- but he put me onto epilim which I found to be very helpful too.