I feel like I am multitasking all the time- dealing with 3 or 4 different things at once, and in the end not really achieving anything. Work went well today, but when I got home I was alone and I heard voices for a while. I didn't think I heard them anymore but I forget, and then remember that I have been since I started on Abilify. I still think it is a good medication though, most of the time I am too busy to remember about the voices. Sometimes I think about them and will them to appear but they don't , thats when I know the medication must be working somewhat. They always come when I would prefer them not to. but tonight is different , I have had a nice day at work, and the voices are working for me and not against me, anyway sometimes this is the case- my voices have usually been like friends. Sometimes they turn against you but don't most people at times? I treat them like an internal messenger device- like a warning sign but sometimes my signals can be way off mark, I think. Usually I know the voice, too.... I know the exact person who is talking to me, even if we aren't friends, I know who it is. That is always good because I don't wonder who it is.........and get scared. That's not to say I don't get scared sometimes, and I usually have good reason too...like sometimes I think everyone is turning against me, but I can deal with that thought and basically come out of it. I know now not to react and try to retort in some wacky way like i have done in the past!
Ahh, you have got to laugh at it. Sz is a funny illness I think, you just need to look at it that way. If it is under control that is. We are born to learn from our errors, that is exactly like Sz. A big learning process. I really feel for the people that are just starting to suffer from it. I didnt know for years, I thought I was part of a big mystical world event. No one enlightened me to the truth, they just nodded... however when I told my Mum about witches that were attacking me, she said " I don't think so" but didn't think anything of it! She wasn't to know I was ill... but I wish she did! I did some crazy things and wasted a lot of time. At least now things are ok, but my memory is really bad for certain things. Maybe naturally, but maybe the illness. anyway I have a good plan now to go home at the end of the year and get a real job ! I hope it works.
