It has been 6 months now- it seemed like a cruise or magical event at first, and although I still love him, I have noticed the Sz is sucking me dry energy wise and mentally keeps me from enjoying this relationship. I am constantly feeling highly suspicious and jealous. I get so caught up with the feeling that I forget the reality of the situation and about my feelings for him. I feel very emotionless also, just deeply upset yet unable to cry. If I werent so protective of my self, I would be able to cry, but I insist that I will be ok. It is a horrible situation when you know you are making someone else upset...I feel like there is an alien growing inside of me and it is making me immune to feeling emotions... like the movie....it sucks. My thoughts are now going towards telling him everything- the truth, because he has done nothing wrong despite my suspicions, which is the Sz. So I will do it, and then I won't be hiding anything anymore. Whatever happens, happens.
