i need a friend

I need a friend too.  You can move forward in life because you have to.  That's why I do it.  If it wouldn't be for the voices I'd have no problems.

I make a friend and then I "unmake" the friendship -- I find reasons:  I think I have behaved or spoken stupidly so I want to hide from them.  Or I think I have nothing to talk about so I don't want to go out with them.  Or I really goof and tell them I have mental illness and that often puts a strain on friendships, especially new friendships.  There is a new very friendly woman at my church.  She always sits by me and is terribly funny and I like her.  She invited me to go to a craft fair in a neighboring city in September.  I said I would think about it but I knew in my heart I wouldn't be able to make myself go.  And I didn't even call her or tell her in person -- I used my best stationery and wrote a note to her saying what a lovely person she is but that, no, I didn't think I would go to the craft fair.  And there she was sitting next to me again this morning and said, "I got your sweet letter."  Isn't that nice?

It is quite obvious to me and probably to her and everyone else that I focus too much on myself.  I have asked God to let me either be focusing on Him or on other people instead of just thinking about my own needs and fears.  But it is a hard habit to break.  I have always been an introvert and have always been self-conscious.  Maybe that's just the way it's gonna be.

Carolyn

I suppose that what we need is confidence to be able to move on in life. Confidence comes from success. Drugs can help us "get by" but for real strength and happiness, there has to be real achievements. We will never be fulfilled if we never do anything.

You have to start out from where you are and go from there. Each small success is an encouragement. Then there will be bigger successes that result in greater fulfillment. We can only work with what we have an build on that. We can't get something from nothing. We have to use what we have to get the results that we want.

Hi MyAnimus,

I understand how you feel because I get the impression most people don't like to talk about their feelings or have another person share her feelings.  This could just be my belief and other people could feel differently.

I want you to know that everyone at the Connection [am I too bold or should I speak only for myself] cares about you and your life and your recovery.

We want to see you succeed and be happy.  And that is possible to do even with a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

So be hopeful because there is hope.

Keep writing whenever you feel like it.

We are always here to support you.

Cheers,

Christina

...maybe not...

Have you ever thought that maybe you are not sick - just different. Maybe you need companionship, friends and sharing more than people around you? Personally I present the other end - I rarely initiate conversation or want to tell what I feel. I want to be alone. I don't eat antidepressants or plain the devil - I'm just a bit different that others...

Schitsophrenia is quite rare state, but if you really think that this is the case take your problem to expert - not to internet dicussion forum. To me it sounds more like you need a good friend to talk to...