i need a friend

I am always wanting to talk about my feelings yet find I have no one to talk to. Even just stupid things. Recently I have been reading a few books about schizophrenia which have really helped me get in touch with my feelings. I have realised maybe I am sick. Most of the time I still don't think Im sick. I feel like I am above that, I could never get so sick.. but I look at all the things I have done too and I really was sick. Yet I find I am still on my own in the world so something is going right- Im not in hospital, etc. I don't understand how I can be functionable but still sick. I feel so out of control in so many ways. Everything is in disarray around me, there is no release. I want to block everything out but I feel like to be normal I must face it all again, the truth, and even then I may not be normal again. How can I move forward in life?