Hello,

What a long strange trip it has been! I have come to the perspective of looking back on some of the states that I have experienced and the things that I have done as a general reminder that the illness can lead you through twists and turns. The most fearful part of the illness is a sense of stability in reality, and for the most part, this can also lead you to a state of relapse as well.

I have travelled around the country, held meaningful positions all over the place and have made some pretty impulsive decisions, terrible distasteful remarks and have been utterly confusing to the onlooker on many occasions of illness in the last year. I can definitely say that it is a curse at times, though it can also be a blessing in disguise, a true statement of character. True, nobody wants to be ill, but once I came to terms with the fact that it is a part of who I am, I was quite relieved and slowly the embarassing or odd behavior began to dissipate. Of course this is to say that I am doing everything in my power to stay focused and healthly, though when ill I have to come to the terms, we all have to come to terms with the fact that it is a part of our being. These are words of wisdom based on the fact that for myself, and potenitally others, one of the biggest day to day stresses for me was the fact that I did not feel "normal." This supposed normal that I was chasing has always been a part of me I just didn't acknowledge the fact that the eccentricity in my character is also, my "normal."

Alot of the time during my illness I have noticed that I struggled with the day not really embracing the day itself, that I really struggled with myself in it's reflection of the day, for the most part I need to look forward to the day, not the sense of self perception as being alright. Once I really started to grasp the idea that, hey this is how my mind is working at the present time, I really got past the issues of the illness and eventually the thoughts, hallucinations etc, began to dissipate. Once I took ahold of the state of just being, I began to really make some positive strides. I believe that once we as mental health consumers start to appreciate some of our oddities and not battle ourselves over our perceptions, we can begin to enjoy the day!

Good Luck!

Nate