I am not a psychiatrist, or psychologist, though I have done some extensive reading and had extensive experience with mental illness in the past and somewhat in the present. For my particular experiences with the illness of schizophrenia (psychosis), OCD or personality issues, I have found that the underlining issue with these illness' is the fear factor.

For the years that I have suffered from a mental illness and have relapsed, I find that it has all revolved around the fears that I face in everyday life, questions that I had to answer and for the most part the unknown. My delusions and hallucinations have persisted with subjects that I am uncomfortable with and insecurities that I have faced in life. Life itself presents an individual with all kinds of avenues from extremes to seemingly normal everyday lifestyle. Once I, as a mental health consumer became secure with myself and was not fearful of anything and that is when the auditory hallucinations became a blessing when rarely around. 

When in thought, one has the tendency to obsess over insecurities or oncoming events that for a person with a disorder, can take up the majority of someones day or ruin it potentially, I remember my friends wedding, I was so insecure with the fact that I had to be a part of the celebration that it totally ruined my outlook on the improtance of the event for my friend. I began to think obsessively about making mistakes or ruining the gathering, and when it was over, I did fine...But that is not the point of the celebration! I barely noticed or had an opportunity to enjoy the wonderful celebration and be happy for my friend. Mental illness is just like that. You can be so preoccupied with the hallucinations and delusions, or insecurities or worries that you don't get to enjoy each day and life can be miserable when stuck in this pattern!

This is of course where I recognize that it is an illness, on the grounds that you can be stuck in these repetitive patterns and can't seem to shake it. Well I believe that for the most part, fear is the enemy here.. At this point when life becomes redundant and the same fears come in view. Stop yourself in self meditation and be confident, reorganize yourself with positive outlooks and stand up and explore the fears that creep onto you. Once you become less fearful of the illness/voices and what they represent, you can start to live your life. I remeber when I was first diagnosed.. I was scared of the voices, I became fearful of what they were and thought that I had done something wrong.. As the years passed, I recognized these voices and how they manifested themselve in my fears and insecurities, I of course relapsed again, being fearful of the messages and couldn't quite function with them..THEN! As I became confident in myself, and lived with them for awhile, I realized that I am not a bad person and have great potential and once I believed in myself and became grown up, I noticed that the voices would arrive and taunt and play on my fears, I became stronger and stronger and the illness now has a backseat in my life and there is nothing I can't do! For anyone out there that feels the same way, I recommend that you embrace yourself in the present, re-organize and train yourself not to fall into the same holes of illness, face oncoming challenges with open arms and life will continue to get better and better. Have a great day!

Your post brings up several subjects I feel like talking about, so this will probably not be a short post.

For you, fear seems to bring symptoms of mental illness to the surface.  And I can well understand that.  Stress, which can often be accompanied by fear, brings on my symptoms at times.  But for me, more often I believe it is the mental illness that comes first, and my fear arises out of dealing with paranoia and hallucinations.  But...it doesn't really matter to me which comes first.  They seem to move in tandem.

And medication, as Christine mentioned, is necessary for many to reach the point in recovery where they no longer respond to stress and/or fear the same way.  Thank God it is possible to recover from social fears.  You were writing about missing out on some positive social occasions because you were so focused on your own fears.  Boy, does THAT sound familiar!  I had that problem for years.  And I think there were a number of factors that helped me recover to the point where I no longer felt fear controlled my daily life, especially my social life.

First of all, a long course of medication (Zyprexa for about 11  years) helped.  It would have done so sooner if I had taken it consistently.  Nevertheless, when I had been taking it "long enough," which varies from person to person, my social fears seemed to dissolve.  It  no longer bothers me to be momentarily in the spotlight and I no longer dread parties, family get-togethers, or walking through a crowded room.  And this fear was because of paranoia -- I thought I was watched by everyone.  Now I realize that is ridiculous -- everyone is much more concerned about themselves than they are about me!!!!  And now I have 2 or 3 people I can call if I need to talk, and they know they can call me when THEY need to talk.

Secondly, therapy helped.  Both interpersonal therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy.

And third -- just courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Even though the going may be slow.  If you give up and give in to the fear and the stress, that's it.  No more recovery.

It sounds like, from your post, that you do have that kind of courage.  People often talk about "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps."  You have that kind of frontier spirit!  Keep it up.  Keep posting and giving us all a little nudge toward positive thinking.

Best wishes,

Carolyn