Want to be a supportive friend

Welcome Jennifer to the Connection. It's nice to hear from you. This disorder affects people differently. I know some who hear voices (myself included) and some who don't. I would treat your friend as an indvidual, unique in his own way. Relationships are possible. I'm married. My wife does not suffer an "illness". So yes it is possible. Hard yes. It's wonderful that you befriended this man. You must understand that his illness isn't going away. Get to know his moods and mannersims. As for your friends, it's difficult for society to understand schizophrenia. Trust is a huge issue for them and us. Take heart, you may find yourself in an awesome relationship. Ask yourself if you're trying to fix him or feel sorry for him. In a sense figure out what your motives are. I wish you and him well.

Dave 

Dear Jennifer,

Of course a relationship is possible!  People with schizophrenia have feelings of love, tenderness, and joy, just like any other person dealing with an illness of some kind.  The issues are that sometimes the brain is so disorganized that it takes a long time to process those feelings and the input that is coming into the brain.  Your friend is incredibly lucky to have you.  You can see him for the person he is, not his disease.  Many people with schizophrenia are happily married with a family.  Sometimes, being in a relationship is part of the healing and helps move a person farther away from his illness.  The key is to continue the health-promoting activities that keep him well-- rest, good nutritious foods, low stress, vitamins including Omega 3, medications, and regular visits to the doctor.  I have found that all people are sensitive, but sometimes, people with schizophrenia are extra sensitive, even if you don't see it expressed outwardly.  And sometimes, the feelings will come out in an odd way.  For example, your friend may feel hurt about something that happened during the day and it will come out later when he is with you.  Yet, it may not have anything to do with you.

You sound like a very well-balanced person with an open mind.  Don't let your friends talk you out of being with a person if it feels right.  Once they get to know your new friend, they will grow to like him too!  Take care.

Corinne

Hi Jenie

I am a sixty six year old who has been married to a schizophrenic guy for thirty one years.  They have been happy and fulfilling and I wouldn't have missed them for anything.  My husband has had schizophrenia for over thirty years (he was diagnosed before I knew him).  He told me about his illness when we had been going out for a few weeks.  We have had some rough times when he has gone off his meds - not too many - as I monitor his meds (this is the secret to a stable lifestyle with this illness - meds are really essential).  I'm in the process of writing an e-book telling about "How to live with a schizophrenic" and it should be finished within the next month or so.  It will just tell what has worked for us, and I hope it will help lots of other people too.  1-2% of the population suffers from this illness.  It is not uncommon at all.  Follow your heart, but use your head!  God bless - Helen

Hello JenieJewels,

You can find love and happiness with someone who's been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Best wishes,

Chri