I have read so much about this illness. I have joined classes and Mental Health Organizations in hopes to find some type of answer to my questions. But there is one thing that I do not need anyone to answer for me, despite what I see with my own eyes, my son is and always will be my son. My love ans support for him do not waiver, i know it is difficult, painfull, even extremely stressful at times, but i know that my love gives him a sense of stability and comfort. And if I can provide that through the turmoil He's living with, then I have done a good job. Please do not turn your back on your child, who the hell cares what people think? who the hell cares what extended family thinks? Everyone goes on with their lives, are quick to talk and judge but not quick to help. So as far as I'm concerned, I am my son's advocate, i am his right hand, i will be here no matter what, and guess what? If you are a parent, so should YOU!
I have had schizophrenia very bad and was abusive and nasty to my parents. Despite that, they stood by me and supported me. If it wasn't for them supporting me I would not have gotten through it, gotten better, gone to college and graduated with honours. This is after being diagnosed. My parents love was the reason I got better. If I was not in a supportive family, I would still be sick. I guarantee if you encourage your son to try and try hard and to be positive and to recover, he will get better too. Keep making sure he takes his medication and provide him with love, go to appointments with him and support him, he too will be a success story. I was isolated, did not leave my room, take a shower, heard voices, had paranoia, was scared, you name it. It is hard to talk about now and was a scary illness. Rest assured your son is scared and the illness makes him think you are going to hurt him and not help him, so he is acting in survival mode. He does not know you are working for him and not against him and thinks others are all against him. In time maybe months (depends how long he has had it) if he keeps taking medication, he too can lead a normal life. I am living proof of that. True love knows no limits. You will provide him with the support he needs to get better and one day he will feel much guilt as I did for what he did. Guilt is unnecessary. It is his brain and not him. He has done nothing to deserve this and neither have you.
Thank you for your sincere comments and for sharing that piece of your own personal experience with me. I commend your bravery and the great efforts you have made to re-build your life. Your parents sound like extrodinary people, who despite all odds, believed in their daughter. My son is a young teen, he had his breakdown, we witnessed his paranoia, hallusinations, I knew he must have been hearing voices (although he always denied it) because I could hear the conversations behind the door. He isolated himself, would not bathe and when we saw this total breakdown, we got him help. In my mind- the thought of Schizophrenia did not exist, I honestly did not even know what it was. I felt- what all parents feel- guilt, confusion, total emotional breakdown, but I decided to obtain all the information I could in order to gain some control. It was the best thing I did, and I grabbed the reins and kept going. Sometimes it is quite consuming, coordinating appointments, helping him get back on track with school and keeping him busy, so he does not resort to returning to the bat cave. So far he has been great, he has been on his meds for 11 months and he's laughing, hugging, joking around again, things his psychiatrist said he would never do. He has taken the initiative to contact friends and go out with them, he's actually out this weeked, first weekend he's stayed at someone's home and I think it was harder on me. I thank God everyday for the strength He has given us to recognize and deal with this illness. When I was told "You will problably get 85% of your son back" I thought "Who are these people to determine such a thing?" And You, writing back to me, are a testament to me, that no one dictates how a person is going to recover, and what the power of the human spirit can obtain. I know it is an everyday battle, but let me say "Congratulations!" if you made it this far, you will make it all the way. Please tell your parents they have done a good job.
Keep believing in your son and my advice, tell others he has stress and do not mention the "sz" word. When my parents or I have told others, they treat me differently or do not understand what it is or anything about it. I have suffered because of this. Some argueit does not exist, others try and suggest natural herbs and vitamins to heal it.
Do you go private? If you can afford it I would recommend seeing a good private GP. The public mental health system in my experience would keep a person down where as a good private GPencouraged me to try and believe in myself.
I would recommend your son embraces anything positive and is always positive in himself and his situtation. If I wasn't so positive and did not try to think positive, I would still be sick.
Sense of humour is important as is you and the whole family being positive. Tell him you believe in him and are proud of him and reward any good change in his behaviour and encourage him. This is what helped me.
Staying close to nature helps. Do you live in the country side or near a park or beach? Visit these places and start relaxing and enjoying life again with him.Pack a picnic, try to encourage him out to a good fun lunch with not many people. He will start to enjoy this as I did. He will rehabilitate himself back in the community by going out. Encourage him, say he is always out and never home, make a joke of it.
Go see an old understanding friend of the family in which he will relearn basic interaction as my mother did. Buy flowers or plants. They always gave me hope. Encourage him to enjy bathing by trying out beauty products doesn't have to be expensive. Men can enjoy shower loofahs and bubble baths too. It made me feel fresh.
Exercise helps. I was fortunate enough to live in a most beautiful part of the world with deserted beaches around me in the tropics of Australia. I used to enjoy swimming. Very relaxing. Find a quiet public swimming pool.
Do not overwhelm him by taking him in big crowds straight away. You say you have armed yourself with information. Good move. Try books in building others self esteem or being positive and thinking postive with others. Share them with your son. Again if I was not positive, I would not get better.
Find a goal for you and your son to work on. Something he can accomplish which is not stressful or overwhelming. What are his interests? Craft? Wood working? Look at rehabilitation courses. I did one in typing.
Do not spend time with negative people. When you have schizophrenia negative people are like big waves, washing at the beach, eroding yourself away. Always be positive. I am living proof this works. Show your son my posts if you need to, he can send me a message.
Tell your son if he does not know already what the illness is, show him literature, make him understand that it is not him, his brain is out of whack. There are many feelings going through one's heads. Sometimes anger, confusion, denial, apathy, fear, pride. guilt. We all go through different feelings.
Spending too much time with a person who has this illness is not good either. Allow him space. I used to take my dinner to my room and listen to music. Music is good therapy too. Find what he enjoys doing or used to enjoy doing and allow him to do it.
Does he enjoy wood working? anything which keeps his brain or hands active is good and is not too challenging.
Talk to him as a person as you do. Patronising someone with this illness leads to anger and confusion. Do not allow professionals or others to do this or call him stupid. He is not a failure. He is a success. Focus on his good qualities and encourage good behaviour.
Try to encourage independence and initiative. If he suggests something, even as simple as going for a walk, encourage it. It is improtant to take initiative and relearn independence.
Try when he is ready to get him out and asking for things at shops. I had to relearn this and still struggle at times. This is important.
I hope I helped. I am living proof this illness can be fought.
I too would not be the person I am today if not for the Love and Support of my family especially my Mom. I was diagnosed at the age of 23 right after finishing college. I was hospitlized 5 different times with the last being in 1997. I also received ECT treatments. I realize at times it was extremely hard on my family especially my Mom but I owe more to her than she will ever know. When in the hospital my family always came to see me and my out of town brothers and sisters sent me cards as well as called me.