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Closer to Recovery

By Ashley Smith Thursday, October 30, 2008

I visited a college yesterday and researched the requirements to get into the school. The deadline for spring admissions is mid-November. I am very excited about the thought of returning to college. It shows progress towards recovery. Although the school provides associate degrees, and I aim to get a bachelors degree, it is a start in the right direction. Once I start school in January I hope in graduate from the institution in 2010 or sooner. When I return to school I will study Business Administration.

 

Recovery to me is living life the way I used to prior to the onset of schizophrenia. Before schizophrenia interrupted my life I was working, performing extracurricular activities, and going to school. Going back to school, for me, is living a normal life again.

Plan B/Update
Christina Bruni, Health Guide
10/30/08 4:23pm

Hi Valash,

 

Good luck with school!

 

You have every right to lead a normal life, by whatever your definition of that life is.

 

Write back and let us know how it's going.

 

Best wishes,

Christina

11/ 1/08 8:43am

Thank you Christina, I will keep you all posted.

10/30/08 5:34pm

I don't know what it is like to live a normal life again because I don't believe I have ever lived a normal life.  I came from a very dysfunctional family, and started having hallucinations,and  problems relating to people  at age six, and I never was able to work up to my potential.

I have tried to live a normal life, although having no  drive or motivation to do so.my parents pushed me to the limit and it just made me more ill.

I have never been able to hold down a job or get anywhere in school, it was very painful and frightening for me- so if t his is leading a normal life I do not want to. If that is what a normal life is- I want  no part of it.

I have made a life for myself- spending most of my time away from other people. I dislike being around people. In fact it makes me paranoid, and then I get scared. Then I have anxiety attacks and have to take Ativan which only takes the edge off.  I take other medications that have side effects.

I don't mean to sound negative. My psychiatrist said that my lack of drive to get out in the world and work is symptomatic of my illness.  I didn't know howt to handle it so I  learned how to cope and make a different kind of life for myself- it may not be "normal" but it is comfortable.

i feel like Imad a concerted effort to live a  normal life and every time,it blew up in my face.

nobody can  be sure of what the future brings.  But as far into the future as I can see, I haev just have to accept my limitations and cope the way I know how and the way that feels safest for me.

11/ 1/08 8:54am
Claudia, there is no such thing as a normal life. Recovery is what we make it, it is any way and all ways to cope with schizophrenia. Keep in touch!
11/ 2/08 6:18am

 I feel as if  have come to terms with myself and my illness- this is the life that was given to me and I have made a life for myself.  it is very different from the lives many people live but it is  how I cope-as long as it makes me feel content and at peace- I accept and cherish it. I haven't fully recovered - maybe I will and maybe I wont but in the meantime I am probalby doing better than  I have in a while.

Claudia

11/ 1/08 8:46pm

Valash, I congratulate you on your determination to return to college.  Yes, it does show you are recovering.  I was teetering on the brink of disaster the first 4 yrs I went to college, so I stopped out for a year before going back to finish and get my BS in Fine Arts.  I had to take only a few courses at a time.  But I managed to make only 2 B's and the rest A's in my college career.  It is hard work, but you know that.  I really admire you for picking up the pieces and forging from them a new and stronger whole.  That is what we all wish to do.

 

I would like to go back to "where I was" before becoming really ill with sz.  But I really don't think I will be able to do that.  I have not yet recovered to the extent where I can work at all, much less be in a challenging workplace.  But I have found new beginnings in volunteer work and being a caregiver for my mother.  And I am so much happier than I have ever been before.

 

Carolyn

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By Ashley Smith— Last Modified: 09/03/10, First Published: 10/30/08