Friday, January 09, 2009
In the past doctors, relatives, and friends gave up on individuals living with schizophrenia. Eventually, the patient gave up hope too. However, today there is a new era of medicine, attitude, and hope towards schizophrenia. Newer medications work effectively to diminish the negative symptoms of schizophrenia and have fewer side effects. The success stories of Carol North, Elyn Saks and people living with schizophrenia on this blog, show their power of determination and drive to overcome obstacle.
I am thankful to have a support group that believes in me. My family, blog associates, and health professionals support my efforts to overcome the stigma attached to this illness. With that being said, I was given a marketing internship with a non-profit organization that helps youth around the world, medically and financially through scholarships. This opportunity portrays commitment to my studies. My duties will include but are not limited to maintaining the organization's website, and writing newsletters and press releases. Although the internship sounds like it can be overwhelming, I will work three days a week and no more than 25 hours, so I will not feel overwhelmed.
In addition to my internship I maintain a personal blog called, Overcoming Schizophrenia(http://overcomingschizophrenia.blogspot.com). On this blog I provide various information about my experience with the disease and interesting facts that other people should know, such as gender differences, schizophrenia in children, and what you should do if you are diagnosed with schizophrenia; things that are discussed here more frequently. Through the blog I try to reach people who are not as familiar with the disease so that they can be well educated on the illness and to not believe the misconceptions associated with schizophrenia.
I start the internship next week. To me this is an accomplishment because I am doing the things I used to do prior to my diagnosis and psychotic break. Again, I had a psychotic break a couple of years ago while I was 20. My psychosis led me to steal a military truck, get involved in a high speed chase with the police, and crash the truck into a building. This crime would have cost me four years in prison, however, because it was my first offense and I was sick at the time, the judge turned my felony into a misdemeanor. Thank God! However, I spent four months in jail and in the hospital before I was released. Since this incident, I attend NAMI meetings, groups at my local clinic, and do continuous research on the illness to educate myself and others. If you have the time, please check out my personal blog at the internet address above.
Thank you for reading a part of my life.
Am delighted that you are ableot go back to school and try to lead a "normal" life-(I dislike the word "normal")
Actually I don't know what a normal life is these days.
I once had a psychiatrist who was renowned for getting his patients to live so-called normal lives- to him, meaning - either going back to school or finding a job, and increased socialization.
I was in his therapy group and his approach worked well fo reveryone but not for me.
I have no motivation to return to school or to work- neither do I are to have a broader social life.
This does not mean I like being sick. It only means that this "normality" is not the way I enjoy living my life because to me it is stressful as hell and i don't like being around people that much. I have not enjoyed or have been able to cope with people or job situations since I was old enough to work and it made me miserable and as far as school goes- I felt as if I was in a presssure cooker just trying to people-please and I only went to keep my father off of my back.
The death of my parents was a cause for celebration. no longer would i have to "preform". i could make a life for myself that I enjoyed and at lest could tolerate and be comfortable with.
I accepted my limitations and went on social security disability. I am able to live independently in my own condominium and attend an art therapy group twice a week. In my free time I write poetry and do artwork and have self-published three books.
i have a few friends that I see on occaisions but do not need to have people around me all of the time to make me happy. In fact being around people more than 10-15% of the time makes me unhappy. I love my solitude and sometimes I tallk to people who I carry around in my head. These people go away when I want them to.
I am still plagued with symptoms such as voices, paranoia and other related symptoms but at least I am not driving myself crazy trying to be "normal".
I was given this illness to live with- and this is what I have chosen to do with it. Maybe my parents and/or that psychiatrist I mentioned would be upset if they knew that I wasn't working, socializing a lot or going to school and doing all of the things that "normal" people do. BUt frankly speaking I don't give a damn. I simply do not care to live a life like that and never did.
Thank you for understaning, I only wish that my parents had felt the same way.
my books are:
Take Five Seroquel and Call Me in the Morning
Far Out!
Time Lapse
They are sold on xlibris.com.
You can enter the book titles in search or my name- Claudia A. Krizay
And the best of luck to you in returning to school!
I am sure youwill do great-
Claudia
Claudia, I don't need to be around other people to be happy, either. In fact, I would be perfectly happy to be the only person in the world...most of the time. I often fantasize about such a life -- living off the land, learning to cook outside, blazing a trail towards a more temperate climate, learning how to trap and shoot for food, etc. Sometimes I put myself to sleep planning for it, in case everyone else dies at some point!
I, too, was happy when my dad died. My mom is still alive and we get along great. But when my dad died, that meant I didn't have to perform to get his approval anymore. I didn't have to listen to his negative attitude. He was no longer there to make family meals hell on earth. I did pity him at the end because he had Alzheimer's, but I asked God for years to take him away because I couldn't stand to be around him. I hope I am not negative like he is, even though I don't particularly like being around people.
Carolyn
Funny- I h ave the same fantasy sort of, everyday I talke a long walk inthe woods near my home. THere is this one spot I call my safe space. Usually I am the only one around and I think how great it would be to build a cabin there and live alone and never see another human being. just to live off the land and see deer and the trees change with the season... It is my fondest reverie- I have written poems about it and taken a lot of nature pictures whichI download on my computer, edit, print out and put into scrapbooks with my poetry which has allusions to nature. I look at them to calm me when I am feeling paranoid or anxious and it cheers me and chases away the unpleasant feelings. I have self-published three books and the latest two have a lot of my nature poems and some of my photographs in them. May I ask are you living with schizophrenia?
I t ssems like on this site everybody understands me and the way I think, and live and do not get angry at me. I have been banned from many websites basically because people think I am crazy. On this site, however, that has not happened.
Here people don't find my poetry all that strange and some of my behavior-I feel accepted here.
Writing is my favorite way of communicating. I never know what to say, in most cases to people on the phone and when I am walking and I see somebody approaching, I cross over to theother side of the street. Many people are scary to me and I find them a threat to me. Sometimes it all makes me so very angry and I turn everything into myself and hurt myself because I cannot handle the rage,pain and frustration.
Thank goodness that those days are fewer and far between and instead Iget my feelings outon paper instead of hacking away at my arm with a butcher knife.
I am going ot keep posting on this site where people appreciate and understand me.
Thanks again for your kind and understanding words.
Fondly, Claudia