I must say that today I sat for hours sitting in front of the windows dreaming, like I use to. Its funny how I realize that my mind is going back to the delusions ,I imagined today I went on the Oprah winfrey show ( The face of schizophrenia) is what the show was called.I was explaining my experiences. I was begging people to get help ,dont hide what they feel inside.I told them I spent years of my life in great emotional pain,it physicly hurt.All the confusion trying to see through the fog.
Thats where I'm heading again I can tell ! This is so strange because I'm fully aware of it,its like I'm sitting outside myself watching almost waiting to see myself fall in that black hole again .I have come to see I am very sick,I will always need medications to help me function .Am I schizophrenic ? I dont know! I just know that my mind is not working the way it schould ,I'm a little sad,to have realized all of this. I was hoping I would have no symptoms come back and that I was only depressed with some other issues, that is not the case is it ?!
I must increase my dosage before it is to late .I have 3 boys who depend on me ,they are coming home on friday.
When they are with me I am different ,I dont have time to dream or sit around ,its all about them.They are the reason I am living.They are everything to me.They are the best of me and there Dad.
I will always come out on top and beat this ,I always do some how.
Thank you everyone for your advice .
I'll continue to keep you posted.
MIMI
