Today I feel better than yesturday ,I went back up on my meds last night.
I still want to dream and have a few other symptoms like paronoia, wondering if the group is aware that I played with my meds.
I cant beleive how quickly the symptoms reacured isnt there a risidule from the meds?
I have to admit I got really scared yesturday after I realized I was dreaming for hours in front of the windows.I immediatly got up and wrote my sharepost than got out of the house to do my nails and some grocery just to keep my mind busy.
I am fully aware of what is going on ,is this normal ?
I am pretty scared right now I know how serious my illness is .
How can I chance getting off these meds and put on others if I can fall back into that black hole. How can I even consider having another child if Im this sick?
Are my plans for the future impossible ? I am really sad this realization is horrible.
I guess my plans have to be put on hold or completly forgotten .
How can I sit there for hours and day dream like that ?
I remember when I was very sick (before I went on meds)When I did not have my boys and know where to go, I would find myself in the same spot hours later somtimes the entire day would pass without my knowing.
What is that ? What does this mean ?Is it sz?
So many questions !
My doctors told me a few months ago that I have to change Doctors because they are short term care and I need long term care!
I have been with them for 2 years and i finally feel comfterble enough to share everything
with them !
How can I express myself like this to a new doctor .
So many worries to think about .
Just to think a month ago I was worry free and extremly happy ,actually a week ago ,the change happened so fast.
Like I said before it is mild compared to before, but none the less bothersome.
What a difference medications make .
I cant beleive the amount of info I can share here, its nice to be able to share my experiences with you guys ,I know you understand.
These are not things I can disscuss with anyone because they will think I am crazy.
I cant disscuss these things with my parents because it will only worry them.
I dont want to share whats going on with my future husband because he will get very upset with me for playing with my meds.
I will continue to increase my meds again slowly back to the full amount,I cant do it in one day it will knock me out for a total of 24 hrs.
My boys are coming home thank god .
It will keep me very busy and before I know it all will be well again .
They start school again and so do I which will also help.
I will be to busy to think about this .
I will keep you posted
Mimi
