marrying a paranoid schizophrenic

3/15/07 7:31pm

Hello Deepz,

I see you are writing from India. In that country, there's a NAMI - India. NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, located throughout the U.S. However, affiliates exist in other parts of the world.

You are 26. Your girlfriend is 23. I see no problems with marrying someone who has paranoid schizophrenia. However, I have suggestions related to getting married in general.

How long have you known her? Does she seem mature enough to handle a long-term relationship, with any ups and downs you may experience? What are her goals for the future, and yours, and do you share similar values on which to build your life?

Related to the SZ, has she been symptomatic while you were dating? Talking with others, maybe through NAMI India, who have similar concerns, is a good way to see what you'll be dealing with if she ever needs to be hospitalized or have a change of meds.

You are both young. That's not quite a major concern in whether or not you get married; however, it is somewhat of a concern in terms of how long you've known her and whether she is focused on her recovery and treatment. Though she developed the illness early in life, long-term studies show that by a person's 40s or 50s, most people do recover.

She has the strong possibility of a stable life if she stays on her meds and actively takes steps and sets goals to maintain her functionality. You can definitely support her and help her in this.

Obviously you are in love with her. Congratulations for finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with!

You may want to approach the topic in a general way, by saying, "Have you ever thought you'd like to be married to someone? I love you and would like to consider that. What do you need me to know about your illness? How can I be there for you?"

Also, and this is IMPORTANT, you need to find out RIGHT AWAY, if she does want to marry you, whether she wants kids. The choice is hers, but it needs to be made with you, not on her own, if you are married.

I know women with schizophrenia who have decided to have kids; some take their medication throughout the pregnancy, others have to come off it.

If you'd like to have kids, and she doesn't, that's another thing to discuss. As someone living with SZ, I've decided not to have kids. I have a milder form of the illness right now, and even with that, it's hard to deal with, so I wouldn't want to give birth to a child who had the possibility of a more severe disability.

The decision to have kids or not is something anyone should discuss before getting married, regardless of whether one or both of you have SZ.

I hear that in India the family is a strong support and social network for people diagnosed with schizophrenia. That is, her mother and father will probably assist you should your future wife have a difficulty. They may even welcome you as your daughter's husband because you will be a life-long partner for her in what she goes through.

Lastly, I want to stress again that a lot of people who don't have SZ go on to marry a woman or a man who does have this illness. In the privacy of your own soul, maybe by talking to a good friend or spiritual advisor, you can come to terms with whether you'd have the strength to deal with the hard times as well as the good times.

In America here, we have a wedding vow, to stand by each other "in sickness and in health, in good times and bad times."

You need to be honest with yourself about whether you could deal with it if she relapsed or had to be hospitalized again.

That said, I want you to know that whatever decision you make about who you marry is yours alone, and right for you. I respect whatever choice you decide to make.

You love her. You have compassion for her, too. Those things are important. I wish you good fortune as you go down the road ahead.

Basistha Nepal

3/ 3/08 5:00am

Honourable lady Christina Bruni,

It was generopus for you to give advice to the person marrying a shyzorphonia which i'd been a long time patient and have now come to the bipolar disorder theme. It was really generous of you to say so. I've been married one and a half years and now I'm thinking of opsychotherapy because my kind doctor has siad that now I'm ok to return back to siociuety.I've recently communiocated throiugh email. I wisah my admission will be taken. i do want to help other pateints in sociuety through nami. I'd been social worker in my hyperactive periods.

Thank you for your support.

Today i've communicated and it was really wonderful for kme to believe now I'll be getting psychotherapy. I live in the neighborhood country of India where we have mutual relationships. free border and many attentions.

Thank you very much Christina.

May you live with happiness and I may come in someways in help for you in toimes to come . because i believe in the helping princilple in liivng.

smiles,

Basistha nepal,

Biratnagar, Nepal.

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

3/ 4/08 1:42pm

Hello Basistha Nepal,

Are you living anywhere near Chennai? A woman on this site would like to start a support group for people living with mental illnesses, near Chennai, India.

Could you let me know if you are interested? You can e-mail me privately at christina.bruni1@gmail.com to give me your e-mail to give to her if you are interested.

Thank you.

Regards,

Chris

big sister

1/19/10 7:40am

please dont marry her. my father always said marriage is difficult. it is a kind of adjustment 75% of the time. i am married for 17 years. we both are normal but still there are so many difficulties. my only brother has SZ. i sometimes wish i was not born in this family because i see my parents heart broken with his tantrums. everyday it is living hell. every second of it. we dont know wether we will be killed or whether he will kill himself. he has made my parents prisoners they are not allowed to move a small finger without his permission otherwise he says he will cut his vein, and they have to obey him. life is a misery.

please marry a normal person. life is short please dont take unnecessary baggage knowingly. a normal life itself has so many worries of its own. i am a devoted christian and my Lord gives me day to day strength. at 26 you are young and life then is like in a dream world. please dont do this. people who will encourage you to marry her, will not be there when you live a life of ever burning hell.

Robin Cunningham, Health Guide

3/16/07 12:58am

Deepz:

I've had schizophrenia for fifty-one years. My wife knew this when we got married. We are celebrating our thirty-ninth wedding anniversary today (March 16th).

We have a beautiful (as in runway model)and intelligent (as in magna cum laude graduate from New York University, a very good university).

Over the thirty-nine years of our marriage, I have had relapses. My wife has always been a strong advocate for me. As such she has been very important in terms of getting me back into recovery.

What I'm saying in summary is that there are potential risks and potential rewards in marrying a person with schizophrenia. But then, there are also potenital risks and rewards in marrying anyone.

In my mind, there are only three questions to ask. Does she love you. Do you love her? And will you be there for her when she needs you most?

Robin

May

3/18/07 10:48am

Hi, deepz. We are almost in the same situation. My boyfriend has SZ. I just found out about it. He told when we first met that he has mental disability but I never knew exactly what kind of mental illness he has. Right now, I'm searching the web about the SZ. I'm starting to understand the sickness. I'm still at lost (or hurt) but I still love him and want to help him.

Anonymous

3/20/07 9:12pm

I married in haste, due to his persistence. Now he is in rehab for Crack/cocaine and bipolar, he also takes Seroquile and told me yesterday that he is sz, hears voices etc. Thank G_d for your site cuz I didn't understand at all!!!!!!! Now I am so hurt, I have only been married almost 3 months. He is 42, me 38 and must not have recognized his symptoms, he wasn't on medicine. We were only together for 13 days, and haven't been together since. I have been to visit him in rehab 3 times in 3 weeks, it is aa 7 hour drive. today he told me "you interfere with my treatment". I did marry 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" but he didn't disclose his many illness and addictions to me. I don't know what I will do, except trust that Yahweh will guide my footsteps. any suggestions?

Anonymous

8/ 3/07 2:59pm

divorce him and run...seriously...if you want to do something scary, move accross the country, don't stay with a schizo. you'll find true love, and won't have to live with insanities you can only now imagine.

MuseMouse

8/14/07 11:50am

I would like to point out that, even though the man that she married turned out to be not the best of catches, using the term "schizo" is highly offensive, especially considering in what topic you are using it. The original posting was about a boy who wants to marry someone afflicted with schizophrenia - the very mental illness that you are putting in an unfairly offensive light. Please be a bit more sensitive!

****DABS626****

8/15/07 12:52pm

honestly you have to be someone with no heart to advice someone to divorce and run. thats a decision she must make on her own. honey if you love this man regardless of his situation and what he says this is the time he needs you the most. you have to understand that the things he says and does arent "his" feelings. be supportive and remember when you married you promised in sickness and in health,no where there did they specify what kind of sickness you should accept or shouldnt.let your feelings and capability to handle help you in this decision .........

cherie

8/21/07 9:11pm

excuse me, i have that illness, i am affended by your statement. i live a normal life, this is a diease like any thing else. mentally ill people are not freaks of nature or any thing like that but reading your comment i realize its not worth arguing with some one that obviously has a low intelligence and probably wouldnt understand, as for the marriage if that person loves the other than they should be together

samantha

8/25/07 2:17am

if you believe in YAHWEH then stay with the one you committed yourself too. learn as much as you can about the disease and pray that God will give you the strength to deal with it. Ask Him to feel a bit of His love for your husband, yourself, and perservere. You are not in this situation by your own choice alone. I have a husband with this illness and it is extremely hard to deal with, but we never have to do these things alone, God is always there just waiting for us to ask for His help.xxoo

barry goldstein

10/ 2/07 11:57pm

amen

Anonymous

1/ 6/08 6:03pm

THIS IS A SITE FOR PEOPLE WHO HAS THIS ILLNESS. PLZ COULD YOU BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS!!! BUT I DO AGREE WHEN YOU SAID RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!

Anonymous

3/16/08 6:07pm

You married for better or worse. Sickness or health. Regardless of what he says, realize that he needs treatment, and try to be there for him. Your husband needs you-- stop resenting him for something he can neither prevent nor help! Having Schizophrenia does not mean he loves you any less, and from one woman to another-- it shouldn't mean that you love him any less,either. He was probably afraid to tell you... there is such a stigma. It's disgusting. Yes, it was wrong... but it is also wrong of you to hold it against him. I've been with mine for over 5 years-- there have been tough times; and there have been moments i would not trade for the world. Marriage is a two way street...try to be strong.

melisa

10/ 6/08 11:31am

i disagree with the run comment!!! My husband of 2 years has it and he has been my rock. I watched him recover from drug addictions and a lot of hurdles and we have never been stronger. It's so hard, but marriage is hard, and it's a commitment that isn't taken lightly. If he's pushing you away it's just something some people do that have mental illness, it may not be his ligit feelings. He married you for a reason. Just have faith that things will work out :)

Anonymous

3/27/07 11:40pm

Schizophrenia is a tough illness for all involved. The things you described alone indicate that you already know that it isn't going to be a cakewalk, however, it is a choice that you must make--that is, whether you love her enough to deal with some of those things you have described. I am married and there is no doubt in my mind that if my husband were to ever be diagnosed schizophrenic or anything else for that matter, I would stay with him, because I love him that much. You need to have the same mindset before you commit to her.

Just know that what she needs is support; if you aren't able to give that to her, let her go. Otherwise, take it on, and take it on strong. Don't be iffy about it--commit to whatever it is you choose to do. You should not marry her on the premise, or hope, that she will always be "better," because that may not always be the case. There may be severe relapses, even with medication. You should, instead, marry her knowing that there may be tough times ahead. Just my humble opinion. I wish you both the best of luck.

Anonymous

4/ 2/07 7:57pm

I am married to a man with paranoid schizophrenia, and I am very happy. I have done my part to understand the disease by talking to his psychiatrist and counselor, and by doing research about the disease. I can honestly say that your girlfriend needs your support. Encourage her to remain on medication and not to touch drugs or alcohol. Be sure she stays in therapy and the two of you can live a long and happy life. My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and we're still going strong. I love him with all my heart and always will. With the proper support system, your girlfriend will be okay too.

Sirens

1/18/10 2:33pm

Did you know your partner suffered from mental illness beforehand? Or did it come out of the blue?

Anonymous

4/ 3/07 1:25pm

I have been married to someone who has paronoid schizphrenia for 3 years. I knew he had this illness when I married him. He has good times and bad. He can't function on a daily basis like others but he is the most kind and gentle man I have ever known. My family, especially my grown children were very much against our getting married, mostly because of their lack of knowledge about the illness, but they have grown to accept him and my mother thinks he is wonderful! Be very aware that your life will not be normal if you marry this girl, but you have to decide what you are willing to give up. Social life is almost out of the question, as those with this illness can not lead a active social life.Dealing with medication issues is also a reality and setbacks are almost a sure bet.I have dealt with it all, but I love this man and I have no doubt how much he loves me. Good luck

cherie

8/21/07 9:15pm

i disagree, i have a social life and i do just fine, i have worked and gone to college, you can live a normal life with this kind of illness, if you can get past peoples attitudes about others with mental illness.

samantha

8/25/07 2:23am

totally agree with cherie. paranoid schizoprenics can totally have a social life. I my case it is often in private that my husband shows symptoms.

samantha

8/25/07 2:24am

totally agree with cherie. paranoid schizoprenics can totally have a social life. I my case it is often in private that my husband shows symptoms.

ann

10/ 1/07 9:41pm

Agreed,My hubby has a very normal life. We are married with two kids from previous relationships and both have jobs working toghther in construction. Everyone has off days,even those without illnesses. If you are in love and you can handle the road ahead then marry her. It may be hard from time to time,harder then you may be expecting. Be as familiar with her illness as you can,even learn her delusions and what things trigger her paranoia so that when she has a bad day you can make it through without harm. She may come at you with nasty remarks that hurt your feelings,but understanding that she really doesnt mean it will help you not sink in to depression and end up in emotional turmoil. I wont lie and tell you that I haven't contemplated leaving,but I know,mentally ill or not,I love him. Best of luck to you.

Anonymous

4/24/07 9:27am

I've been with my partner now for 18 months and we've talked lots about life-long commitment, an idea which appeals to me because she rocks my world, despite some anomalies in behaviour that I'm only now starting to piece together and make some 'rational' sense out of.

Although she hasn't been formally diagnosed by the medical professions, she herself made the connection between some delusional and psychotic states and SZ, and I've been busily doing some research since then which seems to point to the conclusion that many, if not most of the symptoms I've observed (and been on the whipping end of) do in fact point to this disorder.

In fact, it's only through my research and trying to decide the best way to re-approach the subject with her that I came across your post, which resonates with me, so in giving you my opinion, I probably need to recognise that it's helping me to form mine.

I really love my partner, despite the difficulties we've had in getting to this point. It's been hard for her and hard for me and despite there being many times where I could have given up (and I've recieved much advice that I should give up), I haven't. And even though there is a slow light of realization dawning for me about what committing to this situation more fully will entail, I can't really shut off the emotions that I have.

I suppose because I've felt this love for much longer than I've understood that there may be some symptoms attached to the difficulties, it's really hard to stop loving. I don't feel any shame in this or difficulty. The love and desire to commit was there before I began to realise that there may be an illness involved.So I don't think I can turn off the desire to commit because of a few 'difficulties'...

... Though, that said, I used to be a counsellor, so I'd be more concerned for you if your desire to marry your partner came AFTER you discovered she had SZ. In a situation like this, it's easy to transfer our own issues onto another person. I suppose within us all there's a natural calling to heal the sick and the infirm, and to protect the vulnerable. Some of us may gain the impression that we are somehow stronger and better because we are prepared to try and master somebody else's condition for them.

Be sure then that this is not the reason you want to marry. Marriage isn't the same as medicine. It can't affect a cure to sickness. It comes with it's own issues and difficulties, it's own life force, it's own energy, it's own needs and it's own agendas. On it's own marriage is a tough cookie to manage. The idea sounds tantalising but the reality is either a lifetime of commitment or having to deal with heartbreak and feelings of failure when our desires and expectations fall by the wayside.

But you know... I suppose if I married somebody, I'd want them to be prepared to stick by me when the going got tough... If I became sick, ill or vulnerable, I'd want to know that ultimately I hadn't misplaced my faith in the 'wrong' person.

As my partner was beginning to come to terms with her own erratic behaviour, she thanked me for not giving up on her even when she's tried to drive me away. So as these issues become resolved I can begin to see something else being left in it's place- admiration and respect. And thats reciprocated from me because I can admire and respect her more now that i'm able to come to terms with what it really must be like for her living in this crazy world.

And I think probably... What most people describe as the intense feelings of'love'... Start to wain and diminish after time... And when this happens they're either find that there's nothing left to sustain the relationship... Or that what's left is the respect and admiration necessary to see past ALL the difficulties marriage can bring, to sustain the relationship til old age and the passing of one or the other on to the afterworld.

And maybe, that's why the other people who have responded to this thread who either have SZ or are married to someone who has it seems so positive. Maybe it's not about the disease at all. Maybe it's just about finding out that, whatever the problems, the person you chose to commit to is made of the 'right stuff' after all.

And I think that kind of reassurance has GOT to be good for the self esteem of someone who suffers from this difficult condition.

But ultimately, it's also got to be good for the self esteem of the person who doesn't.

Good luck Deepz. I've got a feeling you'll need it! :)

And ultimately

Anonymous

5/10/07 4:14pm

I have been married to my husband for going on 5years. I thas been very touch and go with his illness. I will admit there are days I just want to leave and give up on him. The repeated questions everyday about if I will ever hurt him (emotionally) and the nightly dreams of me leaving him or cheating on him. And, my family fears my safety sometimes because he can go into an episode of rage and delusions if he gets off his meds. Medicine is very important if your girlfriend is taking he meds regulary it will definetly help. But, you must also think about if you want kids...will she be able to take her meds while pregnant and if not how will those 9 months of pregnancy go? I followed my heart and married my husband and we have 2 beautiful kids but every day is a challenge because it could be a good mental day for him or a bad you never know. Marrying a paranoid schizophrenic is very time consuming and extreme patience and love is needed.

Anonymous

8/19/07 3:51pm

Hello, i wanted to comment about your very good explination of your issue. I am 25 years old, married a SZ when I was 19 without knowing it because other wise there would had been no way. I have tried to make this work and to understand him but he is extremelly jelaous of me, I cannot talk to anybody personally or on the phone. he wakes up at night and starts abusing me verbally out of nowere, I have no social life, and he barely allows me to work. To him I am always hiding something and I am always chitting on me. Bottom line, I stoped existing and living when I married this assohole. I wish I could get out of this situacion sooner, but I have decided it now, and though it will take me a bit of more time, I will get the hell out of his life, I can't even breath, my stomach hurst and this is not fair to me. he verbally abuses everybody and even doubts my own family!!! this is no life. Good luck to you, but I am telling you know. run!!!!

Sincerely.

Sharon

8/22/07 12:05am

Your situation sounds like my mom's. She is still with my dad after 60 years. They were married very young with neither having much education. My dad was very jealous of any relationship she would try to have. He was always accusing her of something. When she tried to get out and take guitar lessons when I was a child, he abused me and told her about it knowing she would never leave me alone again. He was even jealous of their 2 sons. Like I wrote in a previous reply to someone - life was hell with a SZ!! I don't entirely blame my dad, he was and is a sick man. To this day he will not talk about his disease to anyone, including my mom. When asked by his doctor why he takes the medicine he does and why he sees her, he says you help me get a good nights sleep. He's heavily sedated with Clorizal and Lithium. When confronted with the things he has done he says I never did those things (and no doubt he doesn't remember doing them). Maybe some people are sicker with this disease than others but I sure wouldn't knowingly take the chance.

samantha

8/25/07 2:37am

hi, I really appreciate your comment as your husband sounds a lot like mine. I wake up and with in 5 seconds of talking to him I know if it will be a greatday, iffey, or a bad one. If I know its going to be bad I am walking on eggshells all day waiting for him to freak out at absolutely nothing. I am a very sensitive person and I don't handle it very well. you definately need to be patient and loving. You have to have the committment to stay with them through sickness and health on a day to day basis. I love my husband. I wish he could be his good self all the time, but sadly that is not to be. I have decided I need to try and really appreciate the good days where he is the most perfect man on earth and take the bad with the good and try not to let it affect my heart and soul when it is a bad day as it is not caused by me OR HIM!!! it is the illness.

A mother of a sz

8/27/07 10:28am

I'm a 'mother' of a 27 year old parnoid sz who was first diagnosed at 22 years old.

It's been a very 'painful' road with my son.

Allot of 'volence',and a nightmare trying to get help for him.

My dream is for my son to be married someday, but probably with someone who has a mental disease, too.

Each individual sz is different due to their own personal brain damage.

It's hard to advise anyone to married because each person is different in their disease.

I would 'date' for a long time before I ever consider marrying someone.

You need to learn how to take care of them before you enter marriage--not afterwards.

Please remember this disease is not their fault, and it can happen to anyone.

We need 'compassion', but in reality we need to understand this is a disease that is very hard to cope with.

I personally love my son very much, and I have compassion for him.

However, I would never be married to someone like him due to his own brain damage brought on from his disease.

His dad has the 'traits' of a sz, and we have been married for 31 years.

He takes no meds, and we have a good marriage.

Although I've learn to 'accept' allot of his symptoms, and realize 'he' can't make me happy.

My faith in God is my own personal strength.

I hope you find your answer.

Anonymous

9/21/07 1:34pm

My sister lived with my mom who is a paranoid schizophrenic. She experienced the same things as you did with the whole jealous, paranoid behavior. She had no life, no friends and couldn't take it anymore. She decided to move out of state to get far away from her. I hope you are able to find the calm and peace everyone deserves. Life is too short to be miserable and unhappy.

barry goldstein

10/ 3/07 12:00am

u r right!

Sandy

10/17/07 4:15pm

Hi,

I married a paranoid schizophrenic about four months ago. He didn't tell me about his sickness. His behavior was bizarre. I was timed when I went to town. If I took longer than he would have, he'd question me. I was a captive in my own home most of the time. If someone visited us, I had to tell him verbatim what my side of the conversation was with the man's wife and what she said to me. He opened my U.S. mail. He monitored my cel phone activity every day, and usually wouldn't allow me out of his site. He was mentally, verbally and physically abusive to me for the last two months we lived together. Finally I left. I knew he had a problem. I didn't know what. I talked to people who have known him for many years. I was told he has a severe case of paranoid schizophrenia, and he should be taking medication for life. He doesn't take anything which makes him impossible to live with. He doesn't believe he has a problem. I filed for a divorce. I love him, but I can't live with him. Its heartbreaking!

anonymous

3/27/08 6:57am

Hi, I am a divorcee and my second marriage was an arranged one. The person I got married to the second time is a schizophrenic which was not revealed to neither me nor my parents. There was no way I could guess also since he was in a different country and i was in India till the marriage. He came to india for the marriage and left within a week back to the US and we kept communicating on the phone and mails. Over a period, I realized that there was something wrong with him and we confronted his parents who then accepted that he had some mental disorder. Now is a situation where nothing is right with him. Even on phone, it is like walking on egg-shells. He has all illusions that the world is against him. Though he has come back to india now, i am not able to live with him since it is really difficult to handle him. It is pathetic. I neither have any emotional, mental or financial support from him or his parents. What should i do? Please, advice.

melisa

10/ 6/08 11:32am

you sound just like me. If you need someone to talk to (cuz i really could use some support) email me all4god1999@yahoo.com

Sirens

1/18/10 2:39pm

I am currently working on a reality show that involves married couples who are going through (or have broken up) because of circumstances that arose either from secrets, mental illness, etc. Our goal is to expose audiences to stories that they would not otherwise here of. Would you and your partner be interested in sharing your story? You could possibly help others who are going through your same situation.

Thank you.

sue

4/ 9/10 1:49am

Samantha i read your message i am in a similar situation to you are you still with your husband?

gopikap

5/23/07 10:40am

I'm sure what you are asking is -

I'm ready for some trouble here..but is it worth it?

My answer is -

Yes.

I hear there is medicine now that will keep the disease at bay,mostly. It has to be taken regularly i believe.

Then there is the chance of things getting better after forty.

And who knows- a cure might be around the corner!

So if you truly love this girl..and are willing to go through some trying times for her..that is if you love her enough for that..then i would say go right ahead.

Schizophrenia is a lot better than say cancer;)!

Anonymous

6/11/07 12:49pm

I have been dating a guy for about 3 months that has SZ. We really care about each other a lot and he's a sweet man but we do have our bad moments and sometimes bad days and I think everyday, can I do this?

Research and feedback like this have helped me deal with his illness much better than I was when I first found out.

One thing that I read and that helped was that you most understand that this is a very serious illness and that you can not love it away.

Second was to learn as much as you can about it and be in their corner it's sometimes you and them against the world.

Third get ready to be really embarrassed by the behaviors and speech exhibited when going through and episode as well as get your feeling hurt sometimes by the one you love as well as others.

Try to warn others especially family and friends ahead of time about episodes and what might occur so as to limit uncomfortableness and embarrassment.

But the thing that has helped us the most I think is that I don't act suprised or rattled by his behavior or speech and I don't pacify him like nothing is wrong either, what I usually do is go along with it sometimes to get him to tell me what he is experiencing, like I might say you hear the voices don't you what are they saying, or I know you smell such and such, usually urine, but I don't smell anything and neither does anyone else so lets not make a scene about this.

And everything that I have read says this can be controlled with the right meds the key word is right, it might take trial and error, which can be very difficult especially when they don't think anything is wrong to begin with.

Which is why I keep a daily journal writing down conversations and documenting episodes so that we can discuss them when he is in a remission.

Dealing with SZ is hard for everyone involved I won't lie and say it isn't, but your love and support could go along way in helping the one you love have a better quality of life. So do your research, be kind but firm and consistent and try not to be ever seen as the enemy so that your help and opinions will be better received.

And remember you can't love it away but you can us your love as leverage so that if they would like to keep you in their life this is what we need to do to deal with this together.

Sharon

7/26/07 9:56pm

My dad "suffers" with Schizophrenia and he is also Bi-Polar. There isn't enough space here to begin to tell you our life history but not much of it is good. Hell on earth might come close, especially for my mom. I don't know how many times she ran for her life when my dad went into one of his episodes. He was finally put on very strong medicine that now keeps him sleeping 20 hours a day. One of my brothers inherited Bi-Polar and fought it for over 30 years - he ended his misery with suicide 2 years ago. Would I knowingly marry a person with Schizoprenia - NO WAY!!!

cherie

8/21/07 9:27pm

that is way to much medicine for ur dad, it can be regulated so he is not sleeping his life away, also a good family therapist, would be a good idea especially for the whole family, i have both of those...i dont take medicine i quit 4 years ago and have not had an episode i was always sick when i took the medicine, i think ur dad is frustrated with his illness and truly needs someone to talk to, and ussually family members think they know everything about this disorder when actually they dont. you cant know what is like until you havre experienced it up close. people with mental disorders are treated like freaks every where they go and it is worse if you try to work especially high demanding jobs, and ones with over 40 hours a week a person with mental illness can not handle all the stresses of daily life, and working over 40 hours a week is a killer on the mind and can but you in the mood of why should i live any longer and thoughts of suicide come about. your dad needs a good therapist and group therapy so he can get his feelings out, and have others who understand to relate to.

Sharon

8/22/07 12:31am

My dad is on this much medicine to keep him from doing crazy things like trying to kill my mother (she ran many times). He has been put on many different meds over the years and without much success. Being Bi-Polor too hasn't helped. I don't know how many times my mom had to get court orders to get him picked up and put in the hospital for help. He would keep her up all night and then she would have to go to work the next day. He was not able to work and she had to so they could survive. Two times there was no beds in the hospital for him and he had to go to a county hospital - she paid over $20,000 because they didn't take her blue cross insurance. He would go to counselors but would not talk. If mom tried to talk to them he got mad and she "paid the price for it when they got home!" She took her vows seriously and stayed all these years. My husband and I tried to get her to come live with us years ago and she did for about 3 weeks. My dad would keep driving by and about scared the tar out of all of us. She ended up going back home. After the last time he'd threatened her we called mental health and told them they had to do something!! Hence, the strong medicine!! Like I told my mom, it's better for him and you that he sleeps most of the time - my mom had a stroke right after she retired and she sure isn't in any shape to run anymore!!! I'm glad you are living a normal life with SZ. There are probably many who does - my dad wasn't and isn't one of them!

Anonymous

7/29/07 3:03am

Hello Deepz,

I've had paranoid schizophrenia since I was 25. I've been on Risperdal, Zyprexa, Geodon, Depakote, Zyprexa Zydis, Topomax, and Abilify. I've been through some relapses for not taking my medication or from deep stress such as working while dealing with my mother's death. Maybe some tips about your girlfriend's weight gain and expressionless face can improve. I went through it because of the side of effect of taking Zyprexa or Zyprexa Zydis. It made me sleepy, drowsy, and gain a lot of weight - let's just say from a size 4 to a 12. I took topomax to reduce my appetite but I was still expressionless. So my friend came in and complained to that she missed my expressions like my smile to the doctor, and the doctor switched me to Abilify. The Abilify did wonders. It is one of the newer medications. I was no longer drowsy, I had expression on my face, and the weight gain stopped...but of course, I had to lose my previous weight. But do see what medications her doctor will prescribe. My friends and family were a key to my recovery and stable state besides my medication. I am currently in a wonderful and supportive relationship with my boyfriend. Just remember that having a mental illness is not the person's fault but an illness. God bless. Big Smile

asurvivor

8/13/07 9:20pm

Another thing I would add to what I posted last night is that when you are married to a person with schizophrenia you have it to. In sickness and in health til death do you part. After being married to someone with sz for so many years my advice would still be don't do it. From asurvivor............

den

1/24/08 4:43pm

?????????

Brittney

8/14/07 8:43pm

deepz,

HI, I would just like to say that you should do what you think is best for the both of you. My husband of a year was just diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and it was devastating to both he and I. But when I married him it was for better or worse and thats what you boht need to think about will you both be around when the going gets tough.

Samantha

8/25/07 2:07am

Major thing is to have her completely commit to taking her medication regularly without lowering it. My husband is starting to gradually lower his and I am now witnessing more symptoms. I cannot not talk about this with him as he does not believe he has paranoid schizophrenia but just drug induced phsycosis from 8 years ago which he believes to be gone since he has been clean. He does not believe the pills help him (seroquil) or that he has any mental illness at all. His sister (who loves him very much) knows that he does. this was a relief to me because I thought I was crazy for thinking he had it. (I studied up on mental illness after I first dated him and all his symptoms point to Parn Sch) At least I have someone on my side that loves him as much as me and understands the illness. For me I need to learn to just agree with him. whatever they see (though it may not be reality to us) is real to them. It is hard for me as I am the type of person who always needs to be right, and not thought of as someone who did something wrong or hurtful. To them the things they see are real and it is important to accept what they see and just apologize and move on. Also be very calm and if you need to, leave the room/house until they calm down. I love my husband very much. It is very hard to live with someone who has this disease and if anyone is in my situation please feel free to comment as there does not seem to be any support for people who are living with a spouse who has this disease.

vonice

9/20/07 2:38pm

hi, deepz.

i am married to a -- doctor's are trying to

tease out the exact term ("residual?" perhaps?) schizophrenic. he had an early-onset severe psychotic break as a young teen, but then lived a non-medicated somewhat productive life for the next 30 years. when we met i knew something was odd about him mentally, but his memory had so declined,he did not remember his diagnosis. he has mild paranoia, which is difficult to live with and stares off with flat affect and depression which is greatly impacting his social life. however, i personally, do not regret our marriage. he is warm and gentle. yet, any serious relationship with the mentally ill (i myself am disabled bi-polar), is difficult. i don't think there is ever a true answer on how an individual will be able to take care of themselves in the future and where one's loved one's place in the future will be. is this depressing? it should not be. there is great hope. but her doctors and you must make your decisions. if you need peer support, however, you can write to my email address below.

--vonice

Bhushan

10/ 9/07 10:29am

Hi

What if paranouid schizo man marry with normal gal and have a healthy baby boy.what are the chances of desease transmission to baby?

Is it possible baby will not get affected with the schizophrenia?

Greg

10/23/07 6:48pm

According to this site's sz information, the likelyhood of inheiriting sz is 10% if there is one immediate family member with it.

Anonymous

10/26/07 9:35am

Thnx Greg for your comments.

Can you tell me the example of what you have commented here?

Mrs.Davis123

8/20/10 1:39pm

I was wondering about that myself.

Anonymous

10/27/07 7:35pm

be aware that the person you marry may not resemble the person you find yourself with in 30yrs time. The difference between better & worse when schizophrenia is involved is quite extreme. You will find that you will have to constantly adapt your behaviour to your partners' & to do so for a lifetime of marriage takes a great deal of selflessness. Saying that, I speak as daughter of a 70 something schizophrenic father whose medication & treatment is far from progressive. Hopefully treatment today allows for a more fulfulling & functional life than my father &, as a result, my mother has had to cope with as result of living with this much mis-understood disease.

Anonymous

11/ 2/07 1:17am

Not exactly a response to the last post - but a general comment on being married to a schizophrenic - my wife is schizophrenic, which she developed when pregnant with our daughter about 16 years ago. I would strongly recommend against marrying a schizophrenic. On the surface of it we may appear to be doing okay, but underneath we are not. The stress caused by my wife's periodic relapses, and the gradual deterioration in our financial position caused by her not being able to cope with the stresses and strains of life (which limits my ability - as an attorney - to be a proper breadwinner) are soul destroying. I don't believe my wife is happy either.

David1985

12/ 6/07 4:48pm

Whether or not to marry a schizophrenic is a complex issue. First of all there is a wide variety of schizophrenia--some cases less severe than others. Some sz don't have "periodic relapses." Some function very well socially and on the job. It all depends on his/her unique condition and how well they mix or get along with there partner. Are they compatible? Do they share the same values? Will there be stability? And finally, and most important, do they love one another? Because love and support can be crucial to get through rough times.

Adriana

12/13/07 8:48pm

David,

I appreciate your comment. Schizophrenia is very complex. I've been married for 5 months and just found out my husband is schizophrenic. Had I known, I probably would have handeled things very differently. I probably wouldn't have gotten married, because I don't have what it takes to be a caregiver. I'm not very patient and I'm loud by nature and I'm extremely friendly and outgoing. My husband started to change my personality and I couldn't understand why things were so difficult. Now that I know, I have mixed feelings. Maybe I should have never yelled at him for not wanting to shower, or for putting up curtains w/o asking my opinion. But why be in a marriage where my opinions and ideas were not heard. I apologized for yelling, but I never got an apology for the things he did, that were inappropiate. Is that a fair way to live? And is it fair that he didn't tell me about his illness? Is it fair that after 5 months he tells me that he doesn't love me anymore and that he needs to go back to his single life? Is it fair that he refuses to take medication and I have to file for a divorce? I waited a long time to get married, only to suffer the pain of extreme disappointment. To those who love someone with schizophrenia, you are Angels. I wish I was strong enough to do it, but I just couldn't skip to the beat of someone else's drum. Also, do not underestimate the intelligence of your ill significant other, they are expert manipulators and will find the way to always get their way. Good Luck to all of you!

Anonymous

1/24/08 12:18pm

you no what i have some of the comment that people have wrote and i can say that im discused. i am at the moment with my partner who has paranoid schizophrenia he has had it for 3 years, but i have only been with him for 11months so i dont no much about the illness. he has recently had a relap and he is in hospital, so i can underestand what ur going through - and i had the same thoughts in my head. but after all the thinking that i did it was so simple to decide. if you love her, i mean really love her for better and worse and in sickness and health you will stand by her. before my boyfriend went in hospital i had a lot of trouble with him - he accused me of cheating and everything, but saying that i knew it was his illness so i stuck by him no matter what.

if you feel deap down that you are not strong enough to deal with her illness you need to decide and dont string her along. but in my opinion if you love her there really is no question to be answered. i can underestand if you feel that you arnt strong enough to deal with it for the rest of you life as it is a big decion - but one u have to make. sometimes in situations like this u have to b selfish but there is only u who can decide that.

sid

1/24/08 4:45pm

yes

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Veronica

2/ 8/08 6:54pm

Please don't marry that person. I have been married to a paranoid schizophrenia (with bipolar disorder) for 22 years, and it has been mostly horrible. You don't realize the abuse that person can afflict (emotional, physical, financial, verbal, and legal). Each time there is a break, it is harder to forget and rationalize (they are sick). At first we didn't understand what was happening to him, and then the episodes have gotten worse and longer over the years. And it takes a cruel toll on the children as well as your own self-worth and dignity. There are lots of rational people out there to marry. If that person loved you, they wouldn't be so selfish as to marry you.

Anonymous

2/21/08 4:13pm

I agree with Veronica. I have been married 16 years and it has been mostly bad. It has affected us horribly. We are all unhappy and I mean my husband, myself and our kids. I would not do this again. Unless God has a plan and purpose for this "weird" marriage or life? I would never do it intentionally.

Cmplctd

2/25/08 11:19pm

Hi Deepz,

I can't give you any advice but I can tell you about my parents. My mom developed paranoia (not schizophrenia - just the paranoia) about ten years ago. She was about 43 at the time. It has been extremely difficult for both of my parents. For my mom - I feel so bad for her because she truly believes that people are after her. I can't even imagine the fear she lives with daily. On the other hand, there is my dad who seems to be the center of my mom's focus. She fluctuates back and forth between believing he is the one putting others up to persecuting her and him being a victim with her. It has been very difficult. However, my dad loves my mom with everything he has. He would never, ever turn his back on her no matter what she says or does to him. He understands that she is sick. I worry about him more than I worry about her because I often wonder how much can one person take!? But I am glad she has him to take care of her.

I don't know if that helps at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that with enough love and devotion, you can go through it. It's just a question of your willingness to go through more than the usual difficulties of marriage.

Dawn

3/17/08 12:12am

I am married to a paranoid schizophrenic. I don't regret doing so. With the newer generation of medications the outlook for a person with schizophrenia is good. My husband has been had the diagnoses for 13 or 14 years now he has learned to deal with his symptoms will through the support of his family and friends. It may take her time to settle in to managing she symptoms and find the right medication and the right dose. When I first meat my husband he was sleeping a lot but he has been able to reduce his medication and adjust to it so he is sleeping less. He works full time and a respectable job. In fact he earns more then me. I must admit that there some adjustments to my life but they and worth it for reward of being married to someone who loves and cares about me. My husband also experiences some of the symptoms similar to your girlfriend but I have learned no to not to judge him and realize he can not always control his symptoms and they are not a personal attack on me but rather his illness. With time and the help of her heath professionals and her family you can learn to with live her symptoms. Most days I don't even think about the fact I am married to a schizophrenia. The best thing you can do for her is help her to learn to manage her symptoms and love her like you would love a healthy women. By treating her like any other women you will help her regain her confidence and inner peace. She is like any other person with a chronic disease such as diabetes. There adjustments but she is not a bad or weak person. You are facing a challenge but together you can live a wonderful life together.

Catherine

3/22/08 11:02pm

My mom is a paranoid schizophrenic, and she wreaked havoc in my life. I do not know to what degree your gf is suffering from this disorder, but I would NEVER marry someone with schizophrenia. It is a 24/7 commitment when you deal with ppl with this disorder. Not only did my mom affect our family life, she affected my father's work and everyone else around us as well. I would go into much more detail, but this would be 100 pages long. Good luck.

anonymous

3/28/08 6:30am

Hi, I am a divorcee and my second marriage was an arranged one. The person I got married to the second time is a schizophrenic which was not revealed to neither me nor my parents. There was no way I could guess also since he was in a different country and i was in India till the marriage. He came to india for the marriage and left within a week back to the US and we kept communicating on the phone and mails. Over a period, I realized that there was something wrong with him and we confronted his parents who then accepted that he had some mental disorder. Now is a situation where nothing is right with him. Even on phone, it is like walking on egg-shells. He has all illusions that the world is against him. Though he has come back to india now, i am not able to live with him since it is really difficult to handle him. It is pathetic. I neither have any emotional, mental or financial support from him or his parents. What should i do? Please, advice.

punitha suresh

4/13/08 10:28am

Hello Deepz

Marrying a paranoid sz is commitment ,i am a schizophrenic 38 yrs old with a kid,

there has been more downs than ups. i have nearly lost my husband to a girl .The love he has professed is gone.In india the husband always want the wife to be active and clever.Being a sz is very difficult.i am having tough time to take care of my kid and am very dependant.Deepz if you really love her and vice versa.Then it iis ok.

But the place where i am taking meds,i am also from chennai,the social worker

advises the persons not to get married.There is so much stigtma in our society.

Isuffered humiliation in my apartment bcoz everyone came to know about the illness.i have had three relapes...So meet her doctor and weigh yoyr pros and cons and decide.Please contact me over phone 9841490724 Punitha or mail me at punitha.anamika@gmail.com. i want to start a support group in chennai.Take care Punitha

dr.s.k.appan.

5/ 7/10 4:45am

U SWITCH OVER TO LONG-TERM INJECTIONS LIKE FLUANXOL SO THAT RELAPS ARE VERY RARE AND SIDE-EFFECTS ARE ALMOST NEGLIGIBLE/BEARABLE. TALK TO UR DOCTORAT THE EARLIEST.NOTE TO INFORM THE SZ GROUP OF THE IMPROVEMENTS IN LEADING NORMAL LIFE.OTHERS WILL BE BENEFITTED.ALSO MANY NEW MEDICINES LIKE INVEGA HAVE ENTERED U.S MARKET WITH MORE EFFICACY.

SECONDLY THE COUNCILLING TEAMS SHOULD BE FORMED TO EDUCATE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ARE OTHERWISE MAKING THE PATIENTS SUFFER MORE UNKNOWINGLY.REAL SOCIAL WORKERS COULD BE ENLISTED IN CITIES LIKE CHENNAI AND COIMBATORE WHERE BENEVALENTED SOULS OFFER THEIR HANDS OF HELP.MY CONTACT CELL NO.9884697595.EMAIL:agrherbal@yahoo.co.uk

dr.s.k.appan.

sad

4/16/08 2:58pm

my husband is similar but aggressive and i could never leave him. i'm still madly in love and we have a beautiful littie girl together. are u madly in love? if not it won't work. too much stress and hardships.

rich

4/19/08 10:52pm

The fact that you are even asking advice on the web from complete strangers tells me alot. If you truly feel that this is the person for you, than there should not be any doubt in your mind. Deepz, depending on the severity of your wife's mental illness you have 2 chioces, One; stay with her, love, support and be ready to sacrifice everything [including having children] be the one person who she can trust. Work to help her life with this disease as easy as possible, She may never be able to hold a job, this may keep you from advancing in life, she may become very dependent on you, she may isolate herself and you from freinds and family, she maybe in and out of the hospital her whole life. She may gain weight, lose her hair and possibly have long term health problems from the medications that she takes. She may try suicide. She may need you far more than you think right now, you don't know. The second chioce you have is to break it off and save her some pain. The point I am trying to make is this; I stood exactly were you are standing right now 15 years ago. All these things came to me when I married my wife. I chose to marry my wife. I did not know what I was in for and I did'nt care because I knew I had the one person who loved me unconditionaly, as I love her, so the decision was easy for me. Everything hinges on the severity of your wifes illness. I hope its not like the kind my beautiful wife suffers from. If you can't love her like that then don't marry her. I wish well and hope you find the answer you are looking for.

linda Fratello

4/29/08 11:22am

Hello I have been with a paranoid schizophrenic for about 11 years; I feel that he is the one that I want to be with -I am nearly 39 and he is 41; He lives overseas and so we've hardly seen each other in all the time that we've been together. We were engaged a few years back, But then we broke up for about a year. I think his family tells him that he can't support a wife -but I don't really know what happened there. My family of course doesn't like that we're back together, but tell him it doesn't matter what out famillies think- that its' our lives not theres. How do I (or do I ) broach the subject of marriage with him? He has asked if I still care for him and if I think that he will make a good partner but otherwise he doesn't say much else. Recently, I was pleasantly surprised that he mentioned taking me to visit his gp this summer if I am able to come to visit him again this summer; That was very open on his part. When we were together, and he got sick, I would sit by him and hold his hand and that seemed to really relax and comfort him, until he wanted to be alone & only then would I leave him; Now part of the problem in him visiting me here is that he has panic attacks on the plane and the last time he had to get off the plane and go home; What can I do to help him through panic attacks if anything ? is there anything that can be given to him prior to getting aboard? Is there any special help that people with Mental illness can get in boarding a plane, while on the plane and getting though the airport to help make the travellor less anxious? I love him very much and I feel that we would be so good for each other. I am learning -disabled myself and I am ready to be with him , and fight for our right to have own lives; can anyone give me/us some advice? thanks

smethwick

6/ 1/08 7:17am

i have been married to my husband for 15 years, he did tell me mental illness runs in his family and his father had this illness, and he thinks he might have it this was during when we was dating. now we have 3 kids and going through hard times. when you marry some one with this illness its your illness too and you have to ask yourself will you beable to handle the systems shes going to go through. you will have to stay on top of everything doctors medicines behavers, believe me its hard and the kids due suffer greatly. i have considered giving up but its hard when you know its not their fault they never ask for this. PLEASE do plently of research and talk to doctors about this, you can get advise from people all day but its both of you at the end of the day.

smethwick

Kay P

6/24/08 5:08am

when we met, he was diagnosed as follows:

Constant Reoccuring Severe Depression with psychotic features

and PTSD

He was on celexa and Depakote for some time but the doctor gradually took him off the Depakote, and now his Celexa doesnt work,

i bet at this point youre asking what this has to do with you?

well...

Im here to tell you that living with someone who has sz isnt easy. you cant just put them in a separate room like some movies would have you believe. If you love your gf and you cant see you living your life without her, by all means go for it. because no matter what she sees hears smells tastes or feels that you cant, its well worth it to be loved. and people with sz are human too. they also need love and affection. sometimes thats all that helps some people. if youre wanting to marry her, i say go for it.

MIMI

6/24/08 8:52pm

Hi ,

I was diagnosed 4 months ago with paronoid schizophrenia .I am 33 years old and I am back in school and living a normal life . I take 3 different medications and find them to work well . The delusions have stopped but I still think I'm being watch everyday by a group of people ,I know it sounds crazy but I ignore it and live my life nomally .

I also will be getting married to a wonderful man who has been with me for 2years and goes with me to my Dr. every 2 weeks he understands my illness and has seen me at my worst ,yet he is still commited to me for better or worse . It is a tough decision for you because you dont know what to expect from her . Please get her involved in researching her illness so she can fully understand it and learn to live with it the best she can .

I also want to add I was married for 13 years and have 3 children that I am raising .

I am a soccer mom and a hockey mom and know one has a clue .

The medications do make me drowsy so I take a nap every day after school .

I wish you all the best and you can reply to my message and I'll follow up .

MIMI

renee

10/27/09 8:50am

October 31st willbe one year I have been dating this married man. He married his wife 11 years ago, without any knowledge of her disease. After 6 months of their marriage, she started doing things with her hands. He felt decieved that he wasn't informed. His life changed for the worse. She takes a lot of medications, doesn't come out of the room, and she smokes a carton of cigarettes every three days. She expresses about things that don't make sense and has been hospitalized over 8 times. He has been faithful through out the marriage until we met a year ago. At times he cries, because he doesn't want to put her away, her behavior has become very stressful on him and his job. I told him that he needed to talk to someone, but he will only talk to me. He has three adult children that live with him, because they don't want to leave their dad. What should he do? This disease has aged him so much and her family doesn't even come by. Please help.

Jason

2/17/10 10:49am

If your girlfriend is taking her medications I would guess she will be safe to live with.

asdf

4/23/10 1:54pm

Look, i have the disorder. you could marry her but you must realize at times it will be very difficult and it may ruin the relationship. There may even be instances where she thinks you are cheating or out to kill her and will act on those beliefs. I have ruined relationships because of the disorder...be careful

Moni

5/14/10 3:55am

I stumbled across this site and was stunned at the out pour of hate, misunderstanding, judgemental ppl on here!! How can you say what is good for someone else's life? Suggestions is all you can give and beating ppl up for having this diesease is wrong.....very wrong! I started dating my husband when we were 15 yrs old. We got married and he became a cop.....and then 7 yrs into his career he came down with paranoid schizophrenia and our lives did change....I had to learn and educate myself on this disease.....I wanted to know everything there was on it....after he went through many many many different medications......he was put on one that has forever changed our world...."Invega" Paliperidone tablets gave him his life back.....he had to retire as a cop but I am just thankful for having this man back next to me. I married him and "NO" I did not know it had this when we got married it just came about in his twenties.....but I love him, care for him, and I will protect him for ppl like that are on here who are very
ignorant....you need to educate yourself...Go to the psychiatrist and get to know what he is thinking and ways you can help him.....never to hurt.....all I can say is life never does give you all the things you """"think"""" you want but I can tell you GOD does know what you can handle....I believe you are a very special person if you take on someone with any mental illness, or handicap.....I thank you God for giving me the man I married......I am sorry if you marry someone and they are abusive...physically or mentally....but get to the doctor and get on the right medication......once you have the proper meds in their system you will see that life is there for them......hold your hand out and help them cross over the storms they are experiencing....patience is very important.....be understanding of the turmoil that they must endure everyday in their mind....yes...they are different....but so am I...and so are you.....watch a "Beautiful Mind" and see the world through their eyes....and experience the fear that they must endure over something so simple as a car behind them......so....if you need meds......have your dr. talk to you about INVEGA........Thank you Jesus for letting us find this medication.......I want you all to know my husband and everyone else out there who has this mental illness.....DID NOT ASK FOR IT!!!!!!!!!! I love my husband...and I hope when we are old ....I can still whisper it to him in his ear.............

Thatslife

7/27/10 1:59am

Thankyou for your comments. I have schizophrenia and live with the stigma of it every day. It is an illness like any other, but society makes you feel like you should be ashamed of having it. If someone has a physical illness, society tends to hold a very different view. You are so right, schizophrenics did not choose have the condition, they did not do anything wrong, it's simply another illness that is part of life. Fortunately, I cope very well with my condition and live a full life, I work full time and I enjoy socialising. Like every other human being, I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses. However, I have recently met somone and if the relationship blossoms why should I be denied thinking about the prospect of marriage one day, simply because society looks down their noses at a condition I developed through no fault of my own.

Nancy

8/ 9/10 12:52am

She will talk about how she thought a teacher does not like him or his friend talked about it. But it was worse. After several months of our meeting, she seemed completely change. She was very rude, hateful, ruthless, self-focus, and begin by delusions that I would harm her reputation. She was convinced that her roommate tried to kill her with poison gas, and it was filmed wherever she went. She taught her roommate was spreading false rumors in the world she was a prostitute. I have a whole list of things she did and said it was appalling. She was openly rude to my parents, hate towards his family, and discusses his ongoing paranoid delusions, nothing else. For about three months, I tried to go to therapy with her, but she refused. When she left school on her in the past tried to look for drugs and refused to take it.
Thanks,
Paranoid Schizophrenia

annon

8/10/10 12:16am

I've been with my fiance for over 5 years and recently he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He's had two episodes since we've been together, the last one was very hard to deal with - the reason for this was because he stopped his medication (as he thought he no longer needed it). A lot of my friends and family told me to leave him and although I did go through a hard time I couldn't leave him as I love him dearly. Sometimes you just need to have faith in people and wish for the best. Like a lot of you have stated here...this wasn't my fiance's choice or something he had control over. A person with this disorder needs all the support they can get. Yes its true that some cases are worse than other, but if you really love a person you need to be there for them, through the bad as well as the good. I'm not saying that it will be easy but get as much knowledge as you can about the disorder, speak to doctors...look it up on the internet etc. My fiance is doing fine now. He is on his medication and is living a very normal life. He has his own business and we have a very good social life too. He did gain a bit of weight due to the medication...but I prefer that he is well rather than unwell. I suggest maybe you recommend the injection form of this medication to your loved one (my fiance has this injection every month) (speak to their doc) as I have found that my fiance is doing a lot better now that he is on the injection as when he was on the oral form, he would forget to take it and it would make him feel more drowsy (I guess every individual is different though that's why it's best to speak to a doctor about this). Don't give up as I'm sure you wouldn't like it if the situation was reverse.

Mrs.Davis123

8/20/10 11:42am

I just sometimes have to wonder if this is really worth it. He is always trying to self-medicate himself and each and everytime he does this he always ends up back in a nut house getting us more and more into debt everytime he does it. And as far as right now goes, we can not afford to have any debt on our shoulders because we are trying to get a Habitat for Humanity Home and they have told us that we have been approved for one as far as right now goes; but I'm so afraid that any day now that he's is gonna have another crack up and I don't really know where I stand with him at this point in time so please I need some advice here. Thanks

Katie

8/26/10 8:21pm

I was recently taken to a unit and sectioned under section 2 of the mental health act. I only sufffer from panic attacks and was taken off my section after seven days of monitering. However I met a man and fell in love with him who has been in and out of the hospital over the last 3 years. We have loads of common interests and spent all or time together. He feels the same way. However, I understand mental health due to experience, and he suffers from Schitzophrenia. He has had ect in the past for depression , and suffers sligh short term memory lapses. I was openly affectionate toward him , we had a cuddle and a kiss, we held hands together. However, I was told that I was not to openly to show him any kind of affection very sternly which upset us both. He was also told by the senior RMN that our relationship will not happen or even progress. He has gone from injection to tablet form Depacote. He told the staff that he asked me to go with him on a day trip in three weeks independant from the unit at his day care centre. The hospital telephoned the day care unit immedietly then and falsley told them he will not be going to due to poor health, which is a complete lie. He has a right to feel loved and have someone special in his life. We where looking forward to it. Mood changed towards us both from the staff during my visits. There is an uncomfortable atmosphere surrounding us on my visits, although I have assured them that I care enough to be a regular person in his life. Mental health patients need a voice. I find it applalling that I am supporting him, I share that voice and opinion. We will fight to get a right to a relationship. Yes there is a stigma attached to mental health. Schizophrenia needs a voice. If you love someone, you should care enough to stay around. We are fighting our own desicion to have a right to get married. They will then have to listen to that voice, that never gets properly understood or listened to. We pray to get married.

Mrs.Davis123

8/29/10 4:56pm

My husband told me just a couple of weeks right before I married him that he was diagnosed in his late 20's as being a paranoid Schizophrenic and I really didn't know what that meant until I saw him having a mental breakdown for the first time. It was kinda scary to be around him when this was going on but I got over it that 1st time. Than it happened again just months later. So I couldn't take it any more and that's when I left. Eventually I came back to him but it took some time. I read once when he was hospitalized the 2nd time in a little booklet that the doctor gave me about his mental illness. And could sorta relate to what you were saying; it had said something along these lines, " That sometimes schizophrenics have a very difficult time showing their emotions" and with him and I that is exactly how it is with us. Maybe not for you'll, but I think that pretty much all schizophrenics are a little different in some way or another. They also have many simpilarities as well I believe. We are still married and are just taking it one day at a time so I hope things will work out for you'll and you take care now.

John

5/ 2/11 2:33pm

This is a very complicated situation. If she can take care of her self I would doubt that she can keep it. Anybody needs someone specially in her situation. Your question depends on what you feel. Do what your heart tell you. Make a wise decision that you won't regret for the rest of your life.
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Ann

1/10/11 4:43pm

My boyfriend of 4 months is 23, and has had paranoid skitzophrenia since he was 16. He was raised by his grandma, and dropped out of high school and is now a DJ. He went on meds at 17 after experiencing auditory hallucinations and rash behavior, and is still on them. His doctor said that he is able to rationalize things well and can get off meds, but my boyfriend trusts them and says that he wants to stay on meds.

Recently he forgot to renew his insurance. And now, he's not sure when he will be able to get his next dose of meds. I love him very much, and although he had a bad past with relationships, I'm worried about him relapsing or something going wrong in the future. I've read so much about his illness, and now I have mixed feelings. Skitzophrenia runs in my mom's side of the family, but neither my mom nor my sister or me have it.

I'm a bit lost, and can't really talk this out to my boyfriend. He is a very caring, loving person, and I want to be there for him. But there's so much on my mind... Could anyone help?

Mrs.Davis123

5/ 9/11 4:27pm

My hubby is a Paranoid Schizophrenic and everytime he has NOT been taking his meds. like he should he has serious mential breakdowns. I believe that It's truely up to your boyfriend's Dr. to make that decision for him. Good luck and take care.

marrying a paranoid schizophrenic

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