Physical and emotional pain over-whelming

Since I returned home from the Daughters wedding I have been in constant, agonizing, physical pain.  The body pain from the nerve damage is excruciating and I have been crying a lot this last week.  In a way I am grateful because I am an emotional "stuffer."  When the pain makes me cry I also feel the release of spiritual, emotional pain ebb out in the tears.  It helps me drain the disappointments of the most recent past, and leaves a hole then to fill up with peace and safety.

I take pain meds for the physical pain...I would go insane if I had to handle this pain without.  I worry that the narcotics are downers and add to my depression?  What good is it to worry when I have no choice?  When the pain is bearable I take less, so I am not at all emotionally addicted.  When I first had the surgery that was supposed to cure the pain I tried to cold turkey the meds...I AM physically addicted.  I've always thought it foolish to worry about addiction when such electrical pain requires numbing.  Years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia so I have a pretty high pain threshhold.

I sound like a robot in this message.  I feel like one today.  I am so tired of dealing with pain and the last year I drop off to sleep in the middle of sentences.  I've never done that before.

About eight months ago a Brain Scan showed some abnormalities and were theorized as a possible sign of MS.  I was supposed to have another MRI in six months??

I'm starting to think I am a hypo-chondriac!  Dr's have put off telling me the  truth until I sit down and seriously accuse them, and then demand the truth.  The only thing that I know is that the pain is expected to get much worse with time, and i will be crippled in the future.  I've been so physical all my life..I can't imagine being in a wheel chair, or bed stuck in this body that has been so athletic, but now is failing me quickly.

I called a Mental Health Clinic today for the county.  Already at 1 p.m. their voice mail is full and I will have to call again tomorrow.  I knew this was going to be a difficult chase.

Sometimes I can only handle life from minute to minute, not one day at a time.  I am frustrated with the constant pain.  Can u tell?  I think I'll get the cane out tomorrow and take a spin around the area and do one or two pick ups of necessities?  Prob a good idea.  Thanks Tinker-del