Hello my friends.

Today I am able to feel the change that has been created by including cymbalta with my former medication, effexor xr.  I am much calmer.  I've been out shopping a few times.  I am able to do some chores now.  I am grateful, positive, and of service again.  Ask me how long this will last and I will say "as long as it lasts!"

When I observe my perspective I also give credit to what I have experienced recently that could have helped create a more peaceful existance.  I dealt with a lot of past pain and a victim role that has been very unhealthy for the attitude I WANT to create.  The wedding was a sort of epiphany that made it very clear to me that I am a different person today than I was in 1990 and before.  My x hasn't grown or changed and he is miserable.  I am not.  Any time I am miserable it is because I have veered away from my self defining declaration of acting with strength, courage, faith, serenity, love and joy.  I am rarely miserable today.

I have grown so much since I accepted the diagnosis of sz/p.  As long as I denied that fact I stayed stuck inside it.  When I finally admitted it to myself I was able to look at it as a challenge to grow and define who I am, not what I have.  So I have a problem.  Do I fall to the floor and quit because I am not perfect?  Who IS perfect?  I have gifts, and I have defects.  When I study every object and situation in life I quickly determine that everything with both situations is in balance.  A good example is salt.  The body requires salt, yet if it gets too MUCH salt it becomes out of balance and can cause health PROBLEMS.  Why would I want to be perfect?  There has been only one human in history who was perfect and look what happened to him?  He was hung on a cross to die.  Nope, I don't think perfect is the answere.

The answere is grace.  I accept, with grace, the challenges that occur to me and work for a viable solution to the problem within, and the gift of solution after the fact.  I can take a challenge and use it to be of service.  That is who I want to be.  That is who I am when I have balance in my spirit.  This means I take the meds that help me and help others be around me.  I make a vow to grow with the problem.  I vow to be gracious and kind to MYSELF. 

I am not a guru, or a spirtual muse, just a plain old human being growing with time.

Thanx for reading.

Sincerely,

Tinkerdel