Hello my friends.
Today I am able to feel the change that has been created by including cymbalta with my former medication, effexor xr. I am much calmer. I've been out shopping a few times. I am able to do some chores now. I am grateful, positive, and of service again. Ask me how long this will last and I will say "as long as it lasts!"
When I observe my perspective I also give credit to what I have experienced recently that could have helped create a more peaceful existance. I dealt with a lot of past pain and a victim role that has been very unhealthy for the attitude I WANT to create. The wedding was a sort of epiphany that made it very clear to me that I am a different person today than I was in 1990 and before. My x hasn't grown or changed and he is miserable. I am not. Any time I am miserable it is because I have veered away from my self defining declaration of acting with strength, courage, faith, serenity, love and joy. I am rarely miserable today.
I have grown so much since I accepted the diagnosis of sz/p. As long as I denied that fact I stayed stuck inside it. When I finally admitted it to myself I was able to look at it as a challenge to grow and define who I am, not what I have. So I have a problem. Do I fall to the floor and quit because I am not perfect? Who IS perfect? I have gifts, and I have defects. When I study every object and situation in life I quickly determine that everything with both situations is in balance. A good example is salt. The body requires salt, yet if it gets too MUCH salt it becomes out of balance and can cause health PROBLEMS. Why would I want to be perfect? There has been only one human in history who was perfect and look what happened to him? He was hung on a cross to die. Nope, I don't think perfect is the answere.
The answere is grace. I accept, with grace, the challenges that occur to me and work for a viable solution to the problem within, and the gift of solution after the fact. I can take a challenge and use it to be of service. That is who I want to be. That is who I am when I have balance in my spirit. This means I take the meds that help me and help others be around me. I make a vow to grow with the problem. I vow to be gracious and kind to MYSELF.
I am not a guru, or a spirtual muse, just a plain old human being growing with time.
Thanx for reading.
Sincerely,
Tinkerdel
