After Christmas

So it is over for another year. I wish every day were Christmas without the rush and money.  It can and will be for me.

My mind seems to be stable for now.  I find without stress of any sort I am stable and content.  I want for nothing.  This is a first for me.  My life has been spent wanting more and more.  These days I try to stay in the moment and in the attitude of graditude and truly enjoy the moment because it is usually quite fleeting.

Company is coming Tuesday and He will spend New Year's Eve with me and we will cook black eye peas and collard greens on the First day of the new Year.  A Southern tradition excersised for the superstition of Good Luck for the New Year.

A New Year.  Years ago I attended a seminar called Time.  They had us all write goals for the year, and even farther forward.  It was a wow.  Every Goal I wrote was reached on time including three years into the future!  Writing is such a mind set with the black on white concept.  The beginning is so blank with a white sheet of paper.  When I write I like to look at the paper for a while because it makes me realize that every letter and word is like a prophecy.  The act of creation with writing is real, so every resolution I make is written down.  I will write goals this year and they will pertain directly to my diseases.  First I will vow finding medication to control the depression, paranoia, and sz.  I already have an appointment with the Doc January 9th.  Second, I will vow to go back to the neurologist Doc and within six months find out what is causing the pain agony and also if there is any form of relief besides narcotics.  So, you will share the miracle of the goals I set here on a blank screen.  I know it includes effort if I am to experience the relief of the goals I've written.  It also includes patience where I have so little for Doctors.  I have realized that I expect them to magically perform miracles like they are gods.  I change that expectation right here and now.  Doctors are just people who make educated guess's and they are often mistaken.  I will stop blaming them and be patient with a process that frustrates me.

I think that I am rambling.  My mind hasn't been really on the point these days.  I looked up MS on the internet Thursday and as I thought I have about 97% of 138 symptoms for MS.  3% of Ms victims show scarring on the grey matter when diagnosed with an MRI.  I have scarring in the grey matter.  This is why I am worried.  I said I had NO STRESS. I think this amends that?

Anyway, I plan to share this with you in the year to come.  I will also share more goals though I think the two I have planned to attain are going to take all the energy I have.

I thank you all for sharing your experience's and support during the last year, and one of my goals is to continue to care about and support all of you in the coming year as you have shared with me in 08.  So thanks, and I am grateful I found this site.