Old memories, new year

I have reached the point of painful acceptance.  I am living with life just the way it is with no more hope left.  It is what it is.

Usually I try very hard to look for the best side of the situation but not this time.  Is acceptance the key?  Does it solve all of my dilemmas.  I think it may.  When you "want" for nothing and accept things exactly the way they are then there is no frustration, dissatisfaction, hope, or disappointment.

When i was young it was a given that I had everything in front of me.  Love, marriage, children, aging, Home, husband, the picket fence, the grandchildren and comfort. I have none of those things.  I am 54 years old and here I am, ill and alone.  Feeling sorry for myself and crying a lot the past two days.  I have seen the completion of the past with the visit of one and the last of my loves.  It is over.

So, this year begins with a new life.  No past and nothing left to end except expectations.  I don't know where I am going now, or where I WANT to go spiritually or physically.  I have no control over it.  My diseases are in charge and will take me where they will now.  I definately surrender.

So, God bless

with fondness

Dellea