This was a horribly stressful week.  I had constant panick attacks and my instincts are right on the mark.  The man is a cruel sneaky person.  He couldn't tell me what he judged about me so he went to my wonderful roommate and critisized me to her.  I know she told the truth because I could feel the contempt oozing out of him.  No wonder I was shaking all over the whole time he was here.  Plus he is a raging alcoholic.  A gallon of Scotch in one and half days, popping beer at five a.m.  Who is he to judge me.  I need meds and he is addicted to alcohol???

I tried to get out and entertain him.  We went to the Flea Market Saturday to find some fishing poles  to do some bank fishing.  In the first Isle a big jerk rammed into the left side of my body and it hurt so bad tears came into my eyes.  Mr B suddenly decided we had found the rods we came for and it was time for me to go home.  I didn't want to, not at all.  I wanted to enjoy more of the Market.  He was immovable and he had my keys.  He actually walked out and left me standing there.  Then he complains to my roommate that it was too inactive here for him.  He refused to go fishing.  We went to the beach and he refused to walk his dog because of the no animal signs, though everyone does it in the winter.  There were four dogs there at the time!

I think I will cut this short.  I am relieved that he is gone and I hope he  doesn't come back a week from now like he said he would.  I am glad that the past is over.  He hurt me very badly fifteen years ago and I learned you can never go backwards.  I have picked the same manipulative selfish men my whole life and I don't think I would pick anyone different, so without bitterness or anger I am done.  I don't want a man in my life any more.  Not because there aren't some fine men in the world, but because my track record is horrible and three times is a charm!  I am glad this happened, truly.  I see that I am very happy with my freedom and lack of critism from outside myself. Now if only my roommate would contribute money or leave.

2009 is the year for graditude. Especially since I am self supporting, free and working tword medications that are a change from what I have been taking.  I have an appointment with my Doc the ninth to look at meds for bi-polar.  Yesterday I had an appointment with my pain Doctor and asked him about a shot of cortisone in my neck..if it would ease my pain.  It was a small possibility and I am so frantic for relief I agreed. It was the most painful self torture I have EVER agreed to!  It didn't work though I had about fifteen hours of relief.  I won't do it again under any circumstances. It would be different if it had worked.  Then it would be worth the pain.

So, to all who read this, thank you.  I think part of the reason I view 2008 as the best year I have had in some time is you'all and this site.  I read share posts and get rewards.  I write share posts and relieve my tension.  I also see my defects and assets from reading what I write here.  Black on White.