tinker

Health Interests

schizophrenia,  paranoia

Drugs I am Taking

Effexor XR,  trazadone,  premarin,  pain meds for nerve damage

About Me

My father was a paranoid schizophrenic who spend time in and out of the hospital. He was often given shock treatments and a miriad of medications that were ineffective. He also suffered from mania. In 1977 he committed suicide. At this time in my life I am dumping anyone who puts me in a box or refuses to accept and understand my need for positive encouragement. My family and previous friends are pretty much estranged, and I try very hard to isolate. I find the world and it's people intolerable. I looked up this site tonight because I am having a huge relapse of paranoia which seems to be followed by confusion of what is real. I have been betrayed by Phsyciatrists with my ex-husband and I don't trust anyone with my diagnosis. I have lied and told anyone who treats me that I have a minor problem with depression. I have experienced such stigma and impatience that I absolutely cannot go to a mental health professional. I almost died following a surgery to fuse my neck because a Dr. would not explore the symptoms of a year long staph infection. When an abcess finally burst I almost died of the poisoning. At this time I am having huge problems with communication and paranoia. I write e-mails to my family and they don't seem to even read them. I recieve rude mean and angry e-mails from them...full of harsh critism. I am so paranoid and confused I don't know who I am because I buy it all and beat myself up. I know I should go to a mental health care professional, but I am even too paranoid for that! I hope reading the posts and building on what I read I may find the courage and trust to aquire some help..eventually. Thank you all in advance. Tinker