Information and opinions on Schizophrenia from tinker at SchizophreniaConnection.com. The HealthCentral Network, Inc. (www.HealthCentral.com) is one of the top health destinations on the Web, with more than 35 condition-specific, wellness and general health Web properties. http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686 http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/rss self application/xml en-us 15 120 19 http://www.healthcentral.com/images/hc_logo_sm.gif http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686 http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/62369/kill-victim Sun, 08 Mar 2009 23:14:42 -0400 tinker A few years back I was viciously attacked by my best friend and my daughter, and then everything fell apart.  I lost all my old friends, and began a total isolation.  My health problems made it easy to stay home and play the victim. After three years of silence my old best friend called me Thursday nite.  She didn't apologize for being so cruel, just started to visit.  I cried.  I was so very shocked that this came out... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/62369/kill-victim http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/60775/animus-hit Tue, 24 Feb 2009 12:39:23 -0500 tinker My animus hit a sore spot with me today.  Lonliness is one of the worst side effects of prolonged illness.   I was a practicing alcoholic for a while when my children were growing up.  My daughter has never forgiven me, though I have been sober sixteen years now, and a lot of her childhood was great...we often only remember the negative in life.  My son has been affected more by the suicide attempts of this illness... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/60775/animus-hit http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/57464/acceptance Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:52:26 -0500 tinker Acceptance is a place of peace.  As I have heard so often, "accepting life, on life's terms".   I have rebelled so thoroughly all my life.  The "why's" have over loaded my common sense.  I just haven't been able to see reality until now.  I thought I was powerful.  I thought that I would be special and I am not.  I have dealt with paranoia, schizophrenia, suicide, alcoholism, and here I am. ... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/57464/acceptance http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/57274/courage Wed, 28 Jan 2009 08:37:36 -0500 tinker My room mate has had pneumonia for a few weeks.  A young man who is a friend of hers has been helping her with her early morning paper route.  Yes, he is immature for a man of almost fourty, but her cruel anger for his defects of character are petty and mean. The first moment she became well she started dissing him to me with irritated anger.  I wanted to say something...the first time I lacked the courage.  Since I pay for... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/57274/courage http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/57080/expectations Mon, 26 Jan 2009 15:54:02 -0500 tinker The first of 2009 actually marks the new beginning of my life in reality.  All the men of my past are no longer lingering in my present with dreams for my future.  I don't base my life on the idea that I need the love and approval of a man any more.  There were three men I loved in my life and they are all just memories now.  Finally.  Boundry.   I've spent the last couple weeks caring for my roommate who has had... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/57080/expectations http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/54966/contrasting Fri, 09 Jan 2009 00:01:42 -0500 tinker Now the stress of the holidays is over. I had very little stress, but find after the fact that the sub-conscious has it's own agenda!   Monday I went to the pain Dr. to fix a blooper they created last month and with the brilliant idea of having a shot of cortisone in my neck as a panicked attempt at progress. That shot was the most painful experience I have ever had besides invasive surgery!  Oh my, but I won't be experiencing that... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/54966/contrasting http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/54663/visitor Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:09:06 -0500 tinker This was a horribly stressful week.  I had constant panick attacks and my instincts are right on the mark.  The man is a cruel sneaky person.  He couldn't tell me what he judged about me so he went to my wonderful roommate and critisized me to her.  I know she told the truth because I could feel the contempt oozing out of him.  No wonder I was shaking all over the whole time he was here.  Plus he is a raging... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/54663/visitor http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/54313/memories Sat, 03 Jan 2009 18:16:24 -0500 tinker I have reached the point of painful acceptance.  I am living with life just the way it is with no more hope left.  It is what it is.   Usually I try very hard to look for the best side of the situation but not this time.  Is acceptance the key?  Does it solve all of my dilemmas.  I think it may.  When you "want" for nothing and accept things exactly the way they are then there is no frustration,... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/54313/memories http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/53611/christmas Sun, 28 Dec 2008 11:32:22 -0500 tinker So it is over for another year. I wish every day were Christmas without the rush and money.  It can and will be for me.   My mind seems to be stable for now.  I find without stress of any sort I am stable and content.  I want for nothing.  This is a first for me.  My life has been spent wanting more and more.  These days I try to stay in the moment and in the attitude of graditude and truly enjoy the moment... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/53611/christmas http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/53212/christmas Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:26:24 -0500 tinker This year, again, I was prepared for a very quiet alone Christmas.  I am grateful that for once my negative expectations were a lie!  There have been a wealth of suprises and the call I got this morning fills my heart with warmth.   I will call him Mr.B.  He called a few minutes ago and sounded warm and happy.  He should be.  He has been blessed with health repair this year and is pain free.  He is one of the... http://www.healthcentral.com/schizophrenia/c/82686/53212/christmas