It has been 3 weeks since my last post. I was rockin' along just fine on Geodon until this last week. Then everything went to hell again. Depression, which I had not experienced in 4 years; racing thoughts; constant cacophony of music playing in my head; ruminations about what the future will bring; insomnia; fears, etc. I haven't called my psychiatrist yet, but I guess I will this coming week and ask him about increasing the dose. But something in my gut says if it is not working at 80mg, it probably will not work at 160mg. I couldn't take that much before when I tried it because it made me terribly agitated. One of my greatest disappointments in life will be if I have to go back on Zyprexa.
But I am also under a lot of stress right now and we all know that stress can cause a lot of problems for people with mental illness. My mother was supposed to have a D & C last Monday. But when they got in there, the uterus was "blocked" and they weren't able to do anything. Her doctor wants to do a hysterectomy as soon as possible, so did he find cancer? I don't understand it all yet. I made an appointment with him on Tuesday for me and my mom to hear exactly what was wrong and why a hysterectomy is necessary. Mom says if he is not absolutely sure there is cancer, she is not going to have any more tests or any surgery. Well...he couldn't tell if there was cancer w/o looking into the uterus or getting a tissue sample. So we are going around in circles. I feel like both of our lives are on hold till Tuesday. If she has a hysterectomy I will have several months of intensive caregiving to do because she is almost 81 and is very frail and fragile already. A major surgery will wipe her out for at least that long.
My thyroid is also still giving me trouble. And I think it is probably adding to my general fatigue and listlessness even though my primary care doc doubled the medicine.
Sorry to be all negative. Let me think of something positive. I got a list of all the homebound seniors in our church and plan to start visiting them. I love doing that. It means so much to them for someone just to drop by for an hour. Most of them are folks I don't know, but I don't care about that and neither will they.
Life goes on. And I'm sure many others reading this post have been through similar ups and downs. You have to find a way to keep your spirits up.
Carolyn
