I often feel I spend too much time thinking about myself -- worrying about the illness, medication side effects, and whether I am being productive. I even worry about writing posts at this site because I fear all of them show how self-focused I am. Sometimes I count the number of times...
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In Response to
Janet
Saturday, June 21, 2008 at 07:47 PMin agreement
DCROY9633
Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 09:09 AMYes, Janet, I believe everything happens for a purpose -- God's purpose. I take comfort in praying and reading my Bible. I can look back at the last 15-20 yrs and see where even the worst of it has been of benefit to me, especially in comforting others and seeing their point of view. And I have had a turnaround in my attitude toward my schizophrenic grandfather. I didn't know till recently how much he was suffering, and I hated him for it at the time. He died in restraints in a mental hospital. I will never forget looking through that little window at him just days before he died. But now I understand very well the hell he was in physically and mentally. And I use that as a springboard for my own recovery plan. All the bad stuff in life can usually used in a positive way later. I know -- who wants to wait for later? But you just have to keep working toward your personal best and let God help you get there.
Carolyn
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Faith
Christina Bruni
Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 08:31 PMHello Carolyn,
I'm fond of this Martin Luther King quote: Faith is taking the first step even when you can't see the whole staircase. Not sure how this applies to what you and Janet are going through, though I am one of the faithful and the expression, "Let go, and Let God" works for me.
We can't always see or understand why pain and suffereing happens, so I tell myself the Lord does work in mysterious ways, and maybe I can't comphrehend those ways, yet I believe in "a power bigger than the pain" to quote song lyrics.
Carolyn, this Connection community is absolutely the one place where you should talk about yourself and what you're going through. To use your voice and not be silenced, and as you've begun to do, to assert your needs. That is the goal for all of us living with schizophrenia.
Your use of the MS Word document is brilliant, it's like when I used to keep a grateful journal.
rock on,
Chri
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First of all I can relate to what you are saying but let me try to offer you some advice if I may.I just started a part-time job a month ago and while I thorougly enjoy the job and have been told by co-workers I am doing a Great Job I found out that on Monday I will get my first evaluation and must take a test to move up from training. Last night while in bed I found myself worrying about this test and had some time falling asleep. Then this morning I felt nervous going into work. I was wondering if I should call my psychiatrist. Then tonite at church the deacon gave his homily on how we should must our trust in the Lord and to turn our troubles over to him. I also read that in a prayer booklet I read every day. So now while I still must take the test on Monday I am trying my very best not to worry. I know this all may should so simple but ?I for one feel it is the best.
Let me close by saying I hope I have not offended anyone by what I have said but I feel that it all works good for me!
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