I am writing this post, my first in a while, because of Dave's latest post. In it, he said he used SZA as an excuse for shying away from people. When, actually, he had been shy all his life. I do things like that, too. But then I wonder if my shyness at an early age was becaus...
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Cheers
Christina Bruni
Sunday, November 08, 2009 at 08:52 PM
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I find it hard to work and hold down a job
Posted 03/24 Comments (2)
I studied counselling at college and graduated, but...
Hi Carolyn,
I understand the competing forces tugging at you that yearn to be resolved.
My therapist who I stopped seeing had always told me that each of us has a personality and quirks independent of the SZ. We are human beings first.
Yet I understand the pull towards wondering if the SZ brought on a lot of our personality changes. I used to think I was more outgoing and cheerful when I was a disc jockey in college. I realized in retrospect that some of the animation of that last summer was induced because the SZ was beginning to take over.
The word psychosis comes from the Greek word that means "to become animated." At some point before or after I was first hospitalized I looked up the word psychosis in the dictionary and that is how I found this out.
The fall before I had the breakdown I wrote in my journal: "The root of my psychosis is that I was never allowed to be who I wanted to be."
That is why I was happiest as a disc jockey where I could be creative and express myself and play the music I loved on air.
Interesting that I had this insight a year before I got sick.
So I understand how you feel about the past.
You ended your SharePost with a call to embrace change.
That is what I'm going to do.
Regards,
Christina