How do I convince my friend that he needs help?

By jessibel00 Thursday, December 27, 2007

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My friend has delusions that there are people following him becuase they have a "case" against him. He hears them talking when he is on the phone, they follow him to work, they show up where he is and he hears them talking about him... It is to the point that he is not trusting of anyone and now is starting to believe that his friends (including me) are setting him up when we go out and telling "them" where we will be so they can watch him. He is a college student and is convinced that everyone in the school was given a camera to watch him. A couple of close friends and I are well aware of the fact that he needs medical attention... there is one small problem. He will not speak to me and another good friend because he thinks we are telling "them" where he will be. How do we intervine without him thinking that we are out to get him? He is a great guy and I feel so bad for him because it has gotten so bad lately.

Any advice about how to deal with him and help him would be greatly appreciated!

Comments (4) | Add comment

Robin Cunningham, Health Guide

12/27/07 3:50am

Jessibe100:

Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is to take a chance on losing or sacrificing their friendship for someone else by getting them help, even when they don't think they need it. There are a great many people at Virginia Tech that now wish they or someone else had done so.

It sounds like your friend's problems are pretty severe, so I recommend as strongly as I can, that if you are truly a friend, you will discuss your concerns about him with a professor or college official before something terrible happens.

You should NEVER feel that you are "ratting him out." Some day he'll thank you from the bottom of his heart if you have the courage to reach out and help him now.

Robin

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

12/27/07 3:22pm

Hello jessibel00,

Like Robin, I believe it is imperative that you ACT NOW to help your friend, even if it means finding someone who can help him get forced treatment.

The truth is (and numerous studies prove this) that the sooner a person gets treatment, the better the outcome of the disease.

You don't even want to wait for the legal reguirement that some states have that a person be a danger to himself or others. You want to act before it gets to that point.

My mother had me committed against my will, and in order to do so, I was placed in 4 pt. restraints. I was not a danger to myself or others, but obviously my mother told them I was headed for a fall, or else she exaggerated that I was a danger.

Please, do what is best for your friend, even if you worry he won't want to be your friend if you "rat him out." It's better you help him get the chance of a healthy, productive life than worry that you'll lose a friend.

It takes awhile, even up to a year to rebound from a psychotic break, so chances are if he gets treatment, when he does come around, he will see that you were concerned for him.

In the fall 2007 issue of Schizophrenia Digest magazine, in Xavier Amador's Lessons Learned column, Dr. Amador details how to say what you have to say to a person you're having hospitalized, and how to deal with their feelings of betrayal after he's committed.

I urge you to read this Amador column, also, please know that your friend, while seemingly in denial that there is a problem, could have anosognosia, a condition related to the illness, where he lacks the insight that something is wrong.

If you can check Amador's book, "I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help" out of the library (or buy the 2007 edition), simply proceed to the chapter that tells you what to do immediately if you need to get someone help.

All the best,

Christina

12/27/07 4:11pm

My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic, so when my 27 year old daughter started showing signs of the illness, I recognized it right away. I knew from dealing with my Mom that trying to convince my daughter that she has a problem would be futile and would only get me ostracized.

I didn't want to watch the downward spiral that I knew was coming, so I chose to trick her into getting the help she needed.

I gathered evidence of her illness like her cryptic handwriting and a notebook full of nonsensical sentence fragments. I took pictures of her apartment. My other daughter also taped a conversation with her where she was explaining the spys in our government. She watched C-SPAN exclusively and thought the politicians were speaking directly to her. etc...

I invited her and my other daughter out to breakfast, but told her I had to stop at the hospital to have some blood drawn first. I called the crisis unit and explained what I was about to do. Be AWARE...they will try to discourage you from trickery! The nurse thought I was just aweful to do that to my daughter. She told me that the person needs to come in on their own. Yeah, right! I played that game with my mom for years--I wasn't going to do it with my daughter too!

When we got to the hospital I walked up to door of the crisis unit and rang the bell. They buzzed us in. They door locked behind us before my daughter ever knew what was happening. Once we were in, my other daughter and I explained everything to my sick daughter. Yes, she angry at us and in denial.

She spent the next 22 days in the psych ward and was treated with anti-psychotic medication. When she got out, she was much better and accepted her diagnosis. We were fortunate that we had a lot of experience with this particular illness, so it wasn't nearly as frightening or devastating as it could be to others.

She's had two other admissions since her initial diagnosis when she went off her meds. My advice for the family and friends of newly diagnosed people is to keep in mind 1) it's not fatal, 2) with medication your loved one will return, 3) don't treat them any different than you ever did.

My Mom never hid her condition from anybody. Because of her, schizophrenia is talked about in our circle like high blood pressure is talked about in others. We are very open about it. By keeping it secret implies that there's a stigma attached. There's not. It's just another chronic disease.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you.

Helen

1/ 7/08 4:27pm

I believe that in a case where a person is delusional no advice from any body can help . That person is not going to listen to you if you tell them they are not being followed. I know because I was also told by family and friends that I was delusional and did not listen. The schizophrenic will never listen to advice that he is delusional. The best thing to do is to get the support of the family and see if his family would be willing to take him to an institution for treatment. If not in a severe case the police would help.

How do I convince my friend that he needs help?

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