We are commanded in the Bible to love others as we love ourselves. What if we don't love ourselves? What if we don't know how to protect ourselves from the demands of others, even though we love them? This is kind of a second part to a recent post I wrote on "the stress of caregiving." It just seems sometimes that I can either take care of myself...or my mother. Or do both in a half-assed way. I would like to give both of us the best of care, but my own battle with schizophrenia (even though greatly improved in the last few months) still demands that I take a frequent breather from stress. And tending to an elderly and sick parent is very stressful. Sometimes I just go out and do something for someone ELSE besides her who is also elderly and sick, and that's really not a break.
I need to have some stressful medical tests done this month and am thinking of cancelling them because they are just one more stress. There are so many things to get done: Sunday, my apartment flooded and I have been dealing with a restoration company to get my carpets clean and dry. I have had a rat or squirrel coming into my apartment at night and wreaking havoc for the last week. Monday, I found out I have to have these tests done right away. All this on top of taking care of Mother. I have to take her to get her hair done once a week. To buy groceries once a week. I do both of our laundries (washing AND ironing) which I have "let go" for 3 weeks now, meaning it is going to be bad once I really do it. I have to drive her to 2 doctor appointments in the next 2 weeks plus help her put on a fashion show for her sewing students (a really big affair.) I did go get my hair cut today just to do something for myself -- it didn't even need cutting. I just wanted some pampering. Plus, Friday the class schedule for summer and fall classes came out for the college I am considering attending this year, so I need to decide whether or not to follow through on that. The mandatory orientation is this Thursday and Friday. I just found out I am anemic, on top of everything else, which makes me feel even more tired. I feel like giving up. HELP!!! I need at least a week w/o stress but there won't be any time this month for that. And May probably won't be any better. Plus I'm afraid Mother is going to call any minute saying she has fallen again. I simply can't keep up the pace.
Hi Donna,
You cannot do this all on your own. Have one of your siblings attend to your mother this month.
Please do get the medical tests as soon as you need them. If you neglect your health, not only will you be out of commission for yourself, you will be unable to care for your mother at the times she definitely needs you as opposed to someone else to take care of her.
I like the idea of you following through with attending the college orientation. I really do.
Lastly: I know how stressful it is with the flooding of your apartment. I'm under a different kind of stress right now yet I do know that any increased level of stress can be a challenge to our mental health and sometimes physical well-being.
So for this alone: I suggest you get the medical tests taken care of.
I don't mean to sound a certain way however I really do think your siblings if they live near you should step up to the plate with giving you a respite from caring for your mother.
And if they can't and they have some degree of money, I would suggest they send her laundry out to a laundry center for someone there to do it. It costs a little more only it frees up two or three hours of your time each week. You tip the person who does the laundry. It's well worth the service if there is one in your area. Who would foot the bill? Either your mother or you would alternate payment with your siblings.
Just an idea.
I hope in the coming days it gets a little easier for you not to feel stressed.
Regards,
Christina