I know there was an interview of Elyn Saks (in 2007?) but I can't seem to access it. And I know there are other posts about her book, but I'm going to start a new one. I just read "The Center Cannot Hold." The subject was something I'd had experience of, schizophrenia; the title was intriguing because I had felt just that way many times; and I knew it had something to do with success in the midst of mental illness, something to which I aspired. It was pretty much what I expected -- a story of "rising above" the stultifying effects of schizophrenia and psychotropic meds and achieving success in academia. It didn't inspire me to get another degree. I already managed to get a degree despite severe depression, psychosis, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, and a number of negative symptoms. Ms. Saks relates some very harrowing experiences related to schizophrenia -- being put in restraints for 30 hrs at a time, walking across campuses wild-eyed and disheveled and unclean, bursting into psychotic gibberish while talking to other professors, and being labeled as "appearing comatose," and "condition: grave." And she has some amazing triumphs -- degrees from Oxford, Yale, becoming a tenured professor at USC, publishing many law articles and several books, not to mention being admired for her brilliant mind (when she wasn't actively psychotic.)
At first, I felt envious of her achievements. Anyone might feel envious, but especially someone like myself who has been plagued by mental illness. I wanted to go out and get a full time job, write a book, get married...like she did. And no one's saying I can't. But after I thought about it, I already HAVE made my place in this world...and I'm in it! I'm living independently, am a caregiver for an elderly parent, in remission, taking my meds as prescribed, and so on. There was a time when I thought I would never be able to accomplish these things. After I racked up 18 hospital stays, 19 ECT treatments, 11 failed attempts to find suitable employment, 7 yrs of therapy, approval for SSDI, they seemed like quite a feat.
Now all I need to do is get past the "disabled" part. Do I have a disability? Most definitely. One missed dose of antipsychotic and I start spiraling downward. I cannot work at this time because work stress starts that same spiral. On good days I can go out and enjoy time with friends. On bad days I stay at home and watch television. But I can read a book now. I can go to a movie or out for pizza. I can hold up my end of a conversation. And I can look anyone in the eye and feel like I'm an equal. Ms. Saks plowed headlong through her studies despite her own disabilities, and I say good for her. But I have kept at this illness long enough myself to know remission is fickle and time is fleeting and I'd better enjoy the life I have. Sometimes I do think of myself as disabled but then I realize how fortunate I am to be where I am despite the label.
Hi Donna,
Yes: I interviewed Elyn Saks at the Connectionn here as soon as her book was published in 2007.
I wouldn't compare yourself to her if I were you. You are your own person.
Now: I want to once again tell you how you greatly inspire me and how everyone living with this illness, toiling away in anonymity, inspires me too.
I was less impressed with The Center Cannot Hold only because it was a by-the-numbers or paint-by-numbers story about the typical endless psychotic breaks and symptom focus that plague all the memoirs to date that detail hell and heartache.
Good news: I will shortly have a book contract and my memoir Left of the Dial will be published within two years.
In it, I hope you will be cheered by the story of an ordinary person with no fancy degree who fought bravely to conquer the schizophrenia and had only one short drug holiday that lasted only three months.
It is the most hopeful account.
Not everyone can get a Yale Law degree. Indeed: I'm not impressed by a person's degree or job title or status in society. My only criteria is this: are you kind and compassionate? Do you treat people with dignity?
Of course a person with a Yale law degree can be a good person. I'm just sayin' that her story is similar to the other endless stories of hell and heartache.
I hope you will buy my memoir when it comes out soon.
It's the story of a scrappy little fighter (me) and my life as a disc jockey in the 1980s, my early jobs in the gray flannel insurance field, and my ultimate triumph as a writer and mental health activist.
I'm confident it is to be the most hopeful account.
Let me close out this comment by telling you that I'm more impressed with your accomplishments than those of a wunderkind if that is the word to describe Saks.
Take pride always in everything you have done and will continue to do.
Listen to the Miley Cyrus song "The Climb" in which she sings it's not how high the mountain is that you move, it's the climb up that mountain.
So in the end the journey is more important than the destination.
Cheers,
Chris
Thank you. I look forward to reading your book.