I have decided to shut the world out. Reality sucks. I have lost trust in everyone. One person I believed in has just abandoned and betrayed me. Real people are cruel. The people in my head do as I say and are there when I need them and leave when I Have had enough. They can be models of real people but they are like puppets and do as I say. They don't hurt me like they do in reality.
Whe I was 18 I used to drink out of a baby bottle and thought of someone holding me and comforting me. I would lie onthe carpet with a flannel blanket to cover me. This person never hurt me- she just loved me and made contact wit hme as if I was her baby.
My math teacher was God and answered my prayers.
These people are gone now but I can sit in my room by myself all night and think of things that are funny and laugh. Silly things that make me laugh. I can therefore be happy when I think of funny things.
I am safe in my own home at night, awake while the real world is sleeping. I can sleeep whe the real world is out partying.
Far from the madding crowd. I like that.
I callthis picture The Demonic Dance.
