Trees Stand Tall…

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The moon has risen-

Creeks are frozen –still…

Still:

Trees stand motionless, as

Frozen dewdrops sparkle in this

Dreadful silence.

I believe I hear you crying,

In rhythm with the falling stars- as

Venus illuminates the darkness-

Ever so slightly…

I stand here alone, trying not to listen to the

Pounding of my heart, and the

Sound of my tears splashing onto

An imaginary stream-

A stream that carries my thoughts,

Powerfully remorseful,

Though not coherent…

Voices in my mind interrupt my thinking,

Speaking a foreign language-

My thoughts race faster than this

Deluge of sleet-

Have you forgiven me?

These words I put together as in a

Chinese puzzle-

I know how deeply I hurt you-

My gut reeks with sorrow, pain and repentance-

Trees stand stark and strong against the wind,

Tossing wisps of my hair about- but

Will not dry my tears,

Now falling copiously, as I

Travel back in time to that night I lost my sanity-

This brutal wind tears the midwinter air to pieces, that

I do not care to put together-

Have you forgiven me?

I lost myself on that night and

Escaped into another world, and

Became somebody else-

If I have a soul, it must be hovering

Near hell’s brushfire, and

Clinging to the gates of despair,

The stars keep screaming and the

Sleet will not quench the flame that sears my essence-

Trees are standing strong against the wind.

I stand-alone with this painful memory as

My thoughts are damned and

Spiraling out of control,

Flailing about in this windstorm…

Trees stand tall, while my own foundation is

Weakening-

Guilt overpowers my wretched heart.

 I hear the wilderness calling in vain-

Perhaps you have forgiven me, though

I weep uncontrollably alone,

My tears, now silent and invisible-

I stand before the gates of hell,

Holding back, as the moon peeks through the

Dense clouds past midnight-

I know, in part, that you may   have forgiven me, but

I walk through hell’s prison gates,

Taking one step forward-

Only because

I

Cannot

Forgive

Myself….

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Claudia Krizay