cant think about others now

Hi alisza,

I take your SharePost seriously and think you need to seek help, at the least, talk with a therapist once a week.  And if you don't have insurance, there are places that will take you on a sliding fee scale.

Please, everyone here does care about you.

Be strong.  Seek help.

Regards,

Christina

 Alisza, I want to share a little story.

 Many years ago I had a job as a busboy. I thought I would never amount to anything. The manager, lets call him Jake, was a hard man. He demanded hard work. I worked as hard as I could. For many years I struggled under his tutelage. He gave me many chances to move up and better myself. Then one day I became the  manager. At first I wasn't sure how I made it that far. I looked back and realized he believed in me and  pushed me when I couldn't.

Jake passed on, but his legacy continues with me. I push myself along everyday.

I hope that you can find a way to push through the things that are holding you down.

Keep journaling here. This is a great site for support and encouragement.

Take care,

Dave

Hello Alisza,

You are brave to post in your struggle. You convey strongly the energy and pain it takes just getting through some bad hours at the moment for you.

What to say? 

Firstly, I would back Christina's suggestion that you speak with your psych doctor and counsellor -Soon . Something simple might help greatly. 

It is quite possible a 'tweeking' or additional anxiety reducing med might benefit.(And I do understand your natural ambivalence about meds) It is really quite common for periods of very low mood and despair to occur in early stages of recovery and obviously needs focussing on and taking seriously.

The professionals  can only know this if you tell them!!, so do be honest about these powerful feelings and their timingin the day for example if there is a pattern*.

 Don't put on a 'brave face' in the  doctor's office....You are probably spending enough energy doing that outside. (You could even print or write out your post...it is very eloquent of 'where you are' at low times, for them to read?? That could be very helpful and perhaps forge a partnership for managing your journey with SZ. It will be very evident your determination and struggle and wish to understand more.. )

*Sometimes meds level in the blood stream fall just before the next dose is due -it is a fine balance, and things and stresses change since they last saw you.

Good luck anyway.Glad you have family support.

My last but very reccommended suggestion is that (if you are not already doing so? )you visit Valash's blog site Overcoming Schizophrenia regularly. Her most recent is 'thoughts on SZ' .She is young like you and it is inspirational and honest and full of encouragement as she makes her recovery. There are also lots of good links. I will try to link to it but if I fail, you can google it. Or if you search this site for Valash's posts her post 'my growing blog' has the link.

Good luck and keep posting,

Chris,

UK (retired doctor, non psych

link http://overcomingschizophrenia.blogspot.com (fingers crossed)

My brother took his life last Sept.  He was in Hell, I know he was, I hope he is in Heaven, sitting at the right hand of God.  Point is, I wish he hadn't left me, left us.  I try to get to the joy of his life, but I am still in the pain of loosing him.  Your mom, others will be in pain.  When you are too tired to think of others, I hope your mom's face pops in your head.

Good Luck

bdg