betrayed

By alisza Sunday, March 15, 2009

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i just found out that one of my best friends has been working with the gov.

they have been following me and tracking me for about three weeks now

i confronted him about this and he tried to lie and say he didnt know anything

about what was going on but i know the truth

i dont understand why he would do this to me it makes no sense i was his best friend

and now he is trying to help them get me so that they can do experiments on me

i tried to plead with him to stop and at first he wouldnt listen he kept saying he didnt know what i was talking about but then he came out with the truth and said that he would tell them its all over and that i know and they need to stop because they cant have me

i dont know if i can trust him anymore its sad when you think that you have a friend but then they do something like this i hate it it makes my head hurt i cant feel myself think

they raised the price of smokes to almost 5 dollars and then they will do it again almost 10 bucks a pack

this is wrong i am appealing my ssi because they are trying to get me to quit and say its ok i dont want your help but i need my ssi so i can fix my car and so i can go when i have to i dont have gas in my car and my mom cannot pay for everything that i need

i need to get a new cell phone number because my phone has been tapped

i need to move out of my familys house because it is not safe here i think he will tell them to leave me alone then i will feel ok but as for now i have to pretend that i dont know what is going on i have to continue with my normal life

they might try to ship me to iraq i dont want to go

i need to buy a new wig and change my apperance so maybe they dont know who i am

but i was supossed to get money from tax returns but that didnt come they stole it so i dont know how i am going to change my identity but i will figure somthing out it is all so confusing why they are following me cant they find somone else i know that i am a very rare type of girl and that they need my blood to save the world but im not ready to die for the world what have they done for me nothing i cant believe this is happening again it hurts inside my head i am even taking a risk writing this right now but i hope i can trust this place to keep it all under raps please dont let them know because then they will know my plans to change i gotta get out of here soon but i need that money

doing better

Comments (4) | Add comment

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

3/16/09 10:38am

Hi alisza,

I suggest you talk to your therapist or psychiatrist about this.

Do feel free to appeal your disability rejection letter.

We want the best for you.

Regards,

Christina

Chris

3/17/09 5:13am

Hi Alisza,

Sorry your head hurts so bad.

You don't know who it is safe to trust round you just now?? You feel your life is in danger....That must all be so scary.

And at the moment you are turned down for benefits, when you naturally need them to help you feel better. Like somewhere with your own 'space' to live.

That 'stinks' but is so common first time round.Do try again, and don't be deterred.

And your smokes make you feel better and you can't afford them either!

What follows is non expert thoughts but hope something might help.

Like Christina says perhaps you can tell your psych doc or therapist about all these confusing things.

Just on the practical side ,which is still equally important to how you are managing, can I also suggest..

Do you have an advocate to help you in the move forward to getting some of these practical things you see helping you?

Don't give up.

Keep badgering for ways of accessing help in your area, and try to connect with people, groups, with knowledge and understanding of these things.

You are certainly not the only young person struggling with these issues of survival with added difficulties ,to find your rightful and valued 'place' in your community.

I know you have your mum, but sometimes someone who 'knows the ropes' of how these legal matters and personal rights could help support you too in your fight for what you need towards recovering and feeling stronger. Also meeting perhaps someone younger who has already 'been through' some of this can help.

Sorry this is long,

Best wishes,

Chris

(retired doctor UK)

alisza

3/17/09 1:38pm

thanks to everyone who has helped me

yes this is very hard but my mom has

bi polar and she has gone through

the same thing with her ssi and she

is helpin me a lot and my counsler

is helpin me also i am feeling better

today i started taking my meds again

i didnt want to take them for about maybe

two weeks but now i see i need them

thanks

Chris

3/18/09 7:52am

Hi again Alysia

Glad you had a better day, and hope that continues more steadily, day by day.

It is good to hear you feel helped by the ongoing support you are getting, (especially from your mom!)

Like you say, I should think taking the meds more regularly again also should help speed up and stabilise this difficult stage of adjusting, and smooth out some of the stress of this roller coaster ride of this illness you didn't ask for.

Hope you will keep posting,

Best wishes

Chris,

betrayed

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