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By alisza Monday, March 23, 2009

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hello all i would first like to thank everyone for all their support you all have made me feel really comfortable here thank you so much

anywho i have not been on my meds for maybe three weeks now and i am doing much better i stopped taking them because i need to feel normal i believe that the pills make me happy not that i want to be sad or depressed i dont but they are making me feel a false happness ya know like when bad stuff happens im like oh its cool but really somewhere deep inside im like oh thats not cool and i just cant get my emotions out

i want to be normal

i want to feel happy when good happens

sad when bad happens

angry when im mad

ect. ya know

but its like with those happy pills they strip me of me and place this fake person instead

i dont know but i feel better now that i am not taking them i dont feel so confined

so please dont worry i am doing good i am learning how to handle real life stress and work through my problems

Comments (3) | Add comment

Christina Bruni, Health Guide

3/23/09 9:05am

Hi Alisza,

First of all the Connection is for support and encouragement in navigating one's recovery, so you are welcome here regardless of whether or not you take your meds.

However, I know from firsthand experience that when I went off my meds, I relapsed and had to be hospitalized again. So did everyone I know with SZ who went off his or her meds. You can do well for a long time, even possibly a couple of years, like a friend of mine who then decompensated totally.

I do wish you well and if you are in the small percent who can live without meds, fine. I just want you to know where I stand. I don't think stopping the meds is a good idea in the long run.

Regards,

Christina

David Robbins

3/23/09 11:32am

Hi Aliza, Be it known that you are welcome here at the Connection, even if you don't take meds. There are a small percentage of SZ's that don't need meds. If you are that's really good.

I also want to say that I MUST be on meds. I stopped taking one time and got sick really fast. I pray that doesn't happen to you. This is my opinion through past experiences.

You mentioned you wanted to be "normal." I not sure if there is a "normal" way of living. Everyone has their own ideas as far as "normal" goes. Me personally am a "normal SZA."

Ultimately what you decide is what you feel is right for you. Dr.Phil says "don't substitute your beliefs, with mine."

I wish you the best. Remember you are more than welcome here. I like this site because everyone cares and supports each other. This community is very welcoming.

I only ask one thing and that is let us know how you are doing.

Take care,

Dave

Donna-1

3/23/09 9:27pm

I hardly know where to start. I hear so much of my own voice in yours. I have had a difficult life full of the ups and downs of mental illness. When I first went to a psychiatrist in 1995, I thought there would be a pill or course of therapy that would make me well and "normal" again. (And "normal" covers a fairly broad spectrum.) That didn't happen. I have tried many meds and am now taking 40mg of Zyprexa, and I must say I don't like it. I have been off and on the meds multiple times mostly because of weight gain. But each time I go off of them I get sick in anywhere from a couple of days to a few months, without fail.

But what I do want to tell you is that I did not realize I had been paranoid for years until it finally let up. I had always avoided parties and socializing and thought I was just introverted. Finally about a year ago, all the paranoia disappeared and I found myself at ease in all sorts of social events. What a revelation! I didn't know what I was missing.

If you are like me, your symptoms may vary over time. They are like layers that peel away one at a time as you approach full recovery. I don't think the paranoia is a side effect of the meds, but discuss it with your doctor and she may want you to try something new. Don't hesitate to be honest with her.

Best wishes,

Carolyn

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