I just shared a post that my fiancee told me to leave the home last night because she did not love me anymore because of all the torment I caused her the last year (psychotic experiences that never happened in real life). I moved out. She just sent me a text message that reads, "I love you Marty." How can someone love a person that they believe has done the most horrific tormenting behaviors to? I've been on a roller coaster for 2 years now and my emotional/physical health is suffering. I think it's time to let her family take over. They've done their best to push me out, blaming me for her demise, remaining in denial that she is ill when it's very very obvious. Well I'm out now. I've done everything I possibly can to help her and help them help her. I'm weary of being the whipping boy. She agreed to try medication after seeing her therapist tonight. I hope she follows through. I still love her deeply but I can't keep getting abused and neglected. She has a responsibility to get treatment and it is her decision. She also has a responsibility to treat me lovingly if she wants a relationship with me. That means take her needed medication.
Here's a question: Now my fiancee has had hundreds of traumatizing psychotic episodes that she attributes to me. Even if she takes her medication, will medication erase all these hallucinations/delusions that she has stored in her mind about me? If not, how could there possibly be a healthy relationship between us?
I donated one of my songs to be used by a New York Times best selling author in her national campaign to prevent bullying in schools. I'm also producing a music video that I'm donating to all the schools and parenting education programs in my city to help prevent child verbal abuse. I hope to distribute it throughout the state of MI. I don't care about making any money and have spent several thousand dollars of my own money to produce it so far. I am a social worker who provides counseling for children and families to prevent child abuse. This is the kind of person I am.
Social Worker - Marty
Hello Social Worker,
You've done all you could do, it's been an uphill battle and will continue to be if your fiance's family exerts their pull.
She could take the meds and possibly still have symptoms, that could happen, she could have residual symptoms after not having been on the meds all these years.
I wish you every happiness, with or without her.
Best,
Chris
It's quite pathetic really. Her father has a masters degree in chemistry and was an executive in a well-known company, extremely intelligent. I am a professional social worker and yet he refuses to accept my observations and recommendations to meet his daughters needs. Most members of the family are college educated and intelligent people. It's interesting to me that during the first year the family adored me and thought I was great for her and even were upset at her for how she was treating me at times before she had her breakdown (now I realize that she was showing early signs of the disease). They thought she was foolish and was going to lose me. Her father was pushing for us to marry as soon as possible. This would make a good research project: How to influence family members to accept their loved one has a mental illness.
Then she had a breakdown 13 months ago. It seemed to appear over night. I can recall on this particular day she was having a nightmare while she was wide awake. I'd never seen anything like it. From that day on she has exhibited severe paranoia and psychotic behaviors, unfortunate also, making me the cause of her delusions/psychotic experiences. It's so blatantly obvious she's ill and yet her family refuses to accept this. I'm thinking that pride may be a factor with her father. I'm angry with him and the family. She should have been admitted for treatment 6 months ago and I recommended it. I asked them to have a family meeting with her to support her in this way. Her father's response was, "She's fine." Even after sharing that she took a lighter and tried to melt hoses she imagined came out of the kitchen ceiling and were spraying chemicals on her (there were burn spots on the ceiling) (she also melted her glasses because she said laser lights were coming out of them) he did nothing. She herself even told her family about these incidences. She told her own adult daughter that she was an imposter. Is there anything else I can try to get them to smell the coffee? She has suffered 6 more months than she should have if they would have taken action. Anything in your bag of tricks?
The thing that worries me is now that her father has influenced and manipulated her into asking me to leave, there is no one there to watch her to make sure she will be kept safe. When she returned from her CO trip she was so beaten down she was suicidal. She was shutting down. She started drinking about 2 weeks ago to "help make the ringing in my ears go away." She has an addictive personality and is on her way to creating a cross addiciton. She has done well staying off prescription drugs the last 4 months. I can empathize. The torment is wearing her down and it's getting more and more difficult to cope.
Any last ditch efforts I can make to get the family to buy in? There's got to be something else I can do. She is too precious to lose and she does so many beautiful things for special needs children and people. She's got this amazingly gigantic heart that touches others. She's so gifted with children. I adore her Christina. You would too. The world needs her.
Social Worker
(Thanks for responding Christina)
Hello Social Worker,
There's not much you can do. You have to take care of your own health.
Chris
I stopped by to pick up my kayak last night and good news...she followed through on getting her beginning medication as she told me she would. She met with her therapist who referred her to an excellent psychiatrist last week. She shared with me that many of the symptoms were going away, "just like you said they would." When cars drive by she no longer believes they are part of a conspiracy to harm her but just normal traffic in the neighborhood. She shared that she already sees the benefits so far is liking the results. She has been taking them only a few days now.
It's been a traumatic 2 years for both of us, especially the last 13 months. I'm exhausted and beaten down. It's been a hard place to be, being falsely acused of causing her psychotic episodes combined with the scapegoating of her family that I was somehow responsible.
I'm not sure if there is a future for us. I guess it's a wait and see. I am going to take better care of myself now. I sacrificed myself to facilitate helping someone I love find peace and healing, and I have some scars now. I loved with all my heart. Today, I will celebrate a victory and break thru for my precious friend and the one I love. Today I will find pride in the man I am and the degree to which I sacrificed to help her. Today I am thankful for what I have learned through this and how I can apply this learning to help the clients and familys that I serve cope better with mental illness.
The book Christina Bruni recommended to me is a priceless resource on how to help a loved one accept treatment. I've read it through and it's highlighted and underlined throughout..."I'm Not Sick I Don't Need Help" by Xavier Amador.
Peace and much love to all,
Social Worker
Social Worker,
I wish you the best.
Peace,
Chris