We've always struggled with our sons hearing loss and Auditory Processing Disorder. He'd been in "special education classes" all of his life. Knowing we would need to really help him for his future, we always focused on his physical health. Hoping he would "catch up". Just a couple of months ago, he went off the deep end. We knew right then that he was experiancing schizophrenic episodes after looking it up online. From taking down mirors in the house because he thought there were hidden cameras - and the rapper M&M was stealing his "moves" and ideas and using them in his videos. These strange episodes lasted for about a week. We couldnt convince him to go in for help. We live in California - and apparently cant get him committed. If he's not hurting others or himself at the time- and doesnt agree to get help- we're stuck.
He says he "likes how he feels". He stays up late at night - sometimes walking all night and coming home to sleep during the day. He had a small stock that was supose to be set up for his future. Has a credit card (no job) - he's taken out all his stock and closed his Facebook account, spending his credit card on beer and cigarettes. Says he has no friends and that no one cares/loves him. (far from the truth!). I've been on the phone with mental health facility and last night called a suicide hotline.
Bottom line, if he doesnt have a gun to his head - they wont come in and take him. Meanwhile we're all on pins and needles wondering what he's planning. He says he has nothing to live for. We keep an eye on him, but am so affraid he's going to leave and we'll never find him. Or he will end up killing himself. What can we do if we live in a state that wont take a mothers word- he is going to hurt himself - I know my son! He's dropping hints, but wont come out and say he's going to kill himself or how. "But that one day soon something big will happen and everyone will know him"...
What's even harder, is trying to explain to the grandparents that we ARE doing what ever we can - which seems like nothing - since we can't get him in for help! Calling 800 numbers - asking for help. My hands are tied. I could of done a better job than the young girl I talked to on the suicide hotline I called last night. she was really no help at all.....I'm frustrated at the system and need some way to get my son help - Maybe lying and saying he's been specific and said he really would hurt himself. But when they do come in and "evaluate" him - they will ask him - and if he says he's fine, they'll leave him and wont bring him in.
Hello Concerned Mom,
You have learned firsthand about the failure of commitment laws that is not unique to California, every state in America denies people who need mental health treatment the services they need because of the idea that they are not a threat to themselves or others. Then the people who are turned away decompensate further and harm themselves or others.
Self-medicating his symptoms with alcohol is a no-win situation as you are well aware. He will start to walk all over you shortly because I know you do not want him to stop living in your house. I often tell parents they need to set house rules when they allow adult children who have schizophrenia to live with them. In the extreme parents fear their son or daughter will become homeless or kill themselves or others if the parents don't watch over them.
In the end, Arthur and Marian Bellucci paid the price with their lives for doing exactly that: letting their son live at home when he was violent and suicidal. If you read my recent SharePost Schizophrenia and Violence: Debating the Latest News you would be aware of this high-profile crime.
Using alcohol and drugs could raise the risk of violence in someone who has schizophrenia. And your son's continued use of alcohol will virtually guarantee he doesn't recover from his schizophrenia.
So many Moms and parents like you write in with this same fear and frustration. You will have to deal with the repercussions of whatever action you take. I cannot tell you what to do however I can indeed suggest lying to the staff as an option to get your son treatment.
Why? I can tell you that if you are not concerned about your safety now you might wind up being concerned about it in the future if he continues to abuse alcohol. So on that pretext alone I see it as being reasonable to protect yourself now. Fear for your safety I feel would warrant that the staff take action.
Read up on the suicide warning signs and responses to suicide threats.
You can deal with the fall-out and with your son's reaction if he is forced to be hospitalized. Some parents write in that they fear betraying their son or daughter's trust. Better to take action now and deal with the consequences later.
Your local NAMI chapter will have family support meetings where you can go to talk with other family members who can give you advice about this situation as well. Most of them have been in this predicament at some point too. Ring the National Alliance on Mental Illness at (800) 950-NAMI (6264) to find the name and phone number of your local chapter.
Tomorrow morning I will ring the executive director of my local NAMI to ask her what else you could do. I get this same plight as yours written about by so many people that I want to come up with some more suggestions.
Right now though I will leave you with this: lying might be your own option. Or at least telling your son that if he wants to live at home he has to see a doctor.
Stay tuned soon as I will post a second response tomorrow morning after I speak with the woman at NAMI. I would like to hear her advice based on her years of leading the family support groups there.
Regards,
Christina