Hello S.C. Connection, I'm stumbling and bumbling my way through this maze of the world as well as possible these days, in spite of obstacles and problems that we all face as adults with a mental illness.
Music has been a great source of relief for me and if there ever was such a thing as music therapy while in recovery, then I'm doing it. I enjoy the ambient strains of Tangerine Dream and Steve Roach, among many others and spend hours listening to the quiet, peaceful sounds of my computer sound system.
I recently finished four talks on schizophrenia with the BCSS and the Partners in Education program, two at high schools, one at a college, and one at the University here in Nanaimo, British Columbia. By the end of it, I was pretty stressed out, even though it went well and they said they'd have me back next year.
I take a lot of medication. High doses of Zyprexa, seraquel, topomax, tegratol, and chlonazapam make up the cocktail that I ingest four times daily. It leaves me pretty zonked out, but my psy-doc has said that the sedation is a trade-off for having symptoms.
I have an issue that I would like your opinion on. It is said, medically speaking, that in a certain percentage of males in their late forties or so, schizophrenia simply leaves their bodies for good. My question is, obviously; "Am I one of those people?". I'm 54. And if I am, how do I go about finding out?. I've been on the same dose of meds for six years. Obviously, I could ask my doctor, but I know that the answer would be to stay on the meds. So how do I know if I still have the illness? Thanks for your input.
Don F.
I feel like I should give my answer incognito because I don't want to actually be responsible for it. Like I feel guilty. But I am also honest. I have been on heavy-duty MI meds since 1995. Periodically, when I'm feeling really great, I go of the meds to see what happens. I have gone as long as 3 months feeling great off the meds, although I admit I usually relapse in just a few days. Today I am in my 7th day off all MI meds -- Latuda, Trazodone, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Klonopin and so far, so good. I am not having any more symptoms than I did while on all the meds. We all have problems, MI just happens to be one of mine. I deal with it every day. I constantly monitor my thoughts -- whether they are too fast, too unusual, too violent, too self-defeating. I am on the lookout for hallucinations, for that special whine of mental music that heralds relapse, for too much or too little time sleeping. I'm hypervigilant about symptoms, and perhaps that in itself is a symptom, who knows.
But I hate taking meds, even while admitting they have allowed me to live in normal society and not in a state hospital. And I keep trying to convince myself and my body that I can do without them. I, too, have heard that SZ often abates as you near 60. I think that may be true for me. I certainly don't have the severe symptoms I used to, and I do respond to medication now, when there was a time I didn't. I just would feel triumpant if I "overcame" SZ and didn't need medication anymore. It may happen, it may not. But I feel I have to test the boundaries once in a while.